This changed everything for me

THE PURSUIT OF PLEASURE OVER PUNISHMENT

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you seeking pleasure in every corner of your life. I'm drinking Jasmine Green tea this morning and thinking about how the pursuit of pleasure over punishment has changed my life.

But first! My Fat+Happy May classes are open for registration! Click HERE for the schedule and to join a class now!

It's the final week of classes over here at Fat+Happy Yoga, and nine times out of ten, my theme on the last day is "celebration!". It's so very on the nose, but I don't think we can ever celebrate too much, and committing to a weekly practice is no small thing. It's an especially big deal when that practice asks you to potentially reframe your entire relationship to movement. 

This week, I'm asking my students to commit to pleasure over punishment. And the moment I say the words, I see a strong reaction on people's faces. There's a widening of the eyes, usually followed by a knowing nod or a sheepish smile. Because if you've ever moved your body because someone taught you to hate it, then you weren't there for a good time. You were there to punish yourself. Possibly even spending good money while looking for answers from some jacked up trainer who was screaming at you. Yeah, same! Been there. Didn't love it. Don't want to do it again.

In all my years of disordered eating and intense exercise, I never once thought of pleasure as a goal. The goal was to shrink and become more acceptable to the world at large, which I hoped would then make me acceptable to myself. 

But here's the thing. When you spend day after day in that space of punishment and treating yourself and your body like you don't deserve to feel good, then you are simply training yourself and your brain to operate from a perspective where you are never enough. Not thin enough, flexible enough, fast enough, young enough and on and on and on.

And what's absolutely maddening to me, because it took me so many decades to figure it out, is that pleasure is right there. It's RIGHT THERE! It's there when you opt for movement practices you enjoy with teachers who respect and celebrate you. It's there in choosing relationships where people love you without condition. It's there in delicious food that you don't need to measure or count because you are allowed to simply eat. It's there in the inner dialogue that tells you that you are a damn wonder of a human and you deserve to pursue the things that bring you ease and softness and yes, pleasure!

It took me many years to open my eyes to the fact that I didn't need to punish myself. Yes, my body was and is big. So what?! Yes, I hate cardio and you could offer me a million dollars to run a marathon and I would offer you two million to go away. Who cares?! Because at the end of the day it's my life and my body and when I was punishing it day in and day out, it ultimately wasn't for my health or physical appearance. It was in the hopes of finding peace.

And while I still struggle from time to time, I'm much happier in the pursuit of pleasure over punishment. Of letting myself exist and experiencing the things that make me feel happy and expansive. It's where I have found the peace I was so desperately looking for. And I really want that for you too.

In fact! I want it so much that I think we should chat about it! On Thursday May 9th, I'm hosting my very first Fat+Happy Community Chat! In this one hour zoom, I will share how I got started on my journey to loving and accepting my body and I'm going to offer some insight on how you can get started too! So bring yourself, your questions and your tea (of course!), and I can't wait to talk to you. It's by donation so there's really no reason to miss it, right? Right! Register now!

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you been approaching movement from a place of punishment? Do you feel like pleasure needs to be reserved for some future version of yourself? And where would you most like to inject more pleasure in your life? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Finding inner peace

BY LETTING GO OF OUTER BULLSHIT

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you planting your feet in the knowledge that you are an excellent human being, and you are doing your best. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast tea this morning (so predictable) and thinking about turning down the outer noise.

It's been one heck of a time for the fat positive movement lately. With weight loss drugs and "leggings legs" being hot topics on social media and beyond, I feel like I've hopped back to the nightmare that was the 1990's. Oh my god, I gave the Snackwells corporation so much of my money back then. Why?!

Personally, I've been feeling a bit underwater. So yesterday I signed up for an online community designed to help in creating daily habits for well being. As is common when I'm not feeling my best, I've been sliding on my meditation, water drinking and the general habits that help me to feel good, and I thought a community would be a nice and helpful thing. Moments into it, they started talking about being "overweight" in conjunction with bad habits and shitty health, which led to me feeling uncomfortable and unwelcome. Frustrated, I cancelled my membership. 

In moments like these, the world can feel exhausting, confusing and depleting. And I'm not going to lie, there are times when I look around and ask myself if I'm crazy for wanting to swim against the tide of popular opinion. Because when the noise gets so loud, sometimes it's hard to know what's right. It's hard to hear your own thoughts and feelings above the cacophony of marketing creeps and general ass holes.

But here's the thing, the vehemence with which these trends are rolling in is a reminder that something is changing. If we weren't making headway and bringing more people around to treating themselves and their glorious bodies with love, respect and kindness, we wouldn't have this kind of backlash. If we didn't have more people saying "fuck you!" to the diet culture industry, we wouldn't have people feeling so furious with fat positive activists and influencers.

There will always be the pendulum swing as a reaction to this kind of momentum, so what do we do to weather the storm? How do we protect our peace while still fighting for our right to exist in our bodies as they are?

Well, I certainly haven't perfected this, but my little foray into that online community yesterday offered a few wonderful reminders. The first one being my tendency to look for outward approval before I seek my own wisdom. For decades, I looked to other people and society at large to tell me what I was doing wrong and how I could fix it. This led to all kinds of terrible advice and only deepened my hatred for my body. It also doubled down on me feeling like the solution was somewhere outside of myself.

Which brings us to the second reminder. I don't need to ask a bunch of people because I already know how to take care of myself and what's best for me. I know what I need to do to get my habits back on track. I know that I feel a thousand times better physically and mentally when I'm not chasing fad diets and listening to fat hate. I know that staying off socials and taking down time helps me to come back to myself. I also know that when I'm ready to be online again, I'm empowered and inspired by the wonderful people doing this work, and I'm blocking the hell out of anyone who wants to police bodies and shame women (especially youth) for being anything other than thin. 

Don't get me wrong, I love a sense of community and it's so important in this work and in life. We need each other. But we also need to be able to sit quietly with ourselves and let the noise and nonsense fade away. We need to be able to ask ourselves and our bodies what is right for us.

Your body is all yours to do with as you please. But how can you know what that is when all you hear is one loud and toxic message? How can you know what is right for you, when people are so furiously telling you that your body is wrong?

Well, how about we start with a new message? Let's flip the script and see where that takes us! Spoiler...it's somewhere better.

You and your body are most excellent! You are not a before picture or a project. You are lovely. You are doing your best and that is enough. You deserve peace. Let yourself embody that knowledge and sit in the freedom of it. Quiet the outer noise and from that place, check in with what you need. Trust yourself and go from there.

It's tough out there right now. But the pendulum will swing again, and until then, you deserve to protect your peace. Whatever that means for you. 

As always, I'd love to hear about it! How are you doing? How do you support yourself when you feel bombarded with negative messaging about your body? How can you silence the outer noise for at least a few minutes every day, and offer time to connect with yourself and your body? Let me know in the comments below!

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Ooh, it's messy at the moment!

EVERYBODY GRAB A BROOM

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you considering the ways in which you can best take care of yourself. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast tea this morning and thinking about slowing down and creating space.

I've been a little all over the map lately. I have a bad habit of feeling like if there's a spare hour in the day, then I can probably fill it with something like a class or workshop, a performance, writing, or socializing. I feel especially lucky because I like the things I'm doing, so adding more shouldn't be a problem, right? Right, everyone?

Cue the crickets.

As an extroverted introvert, I need a fair amount of alone time to rest, recharge and create. I'm at my best and happiest when I have a good amount of space and time to catch my breath in between bouts of doing. And if I'm honest, lately my "down time" is spent agonizing over what I'm not doing or what's falling behind. Most of us have been there and the feeling sucks.

Whenever I find myself in this place, it usually comes from doing things that are pushing me to the edge of my comfort zone. Especially after lockdown, I find a little pushing important to my growth and happiness. However! As soon as I'm in the flow of this new comfort zone pushing schedule, I get cocky and I start to think "well if this is making me feel good and accomplished and confident, how many other things can I add in so that I feel even more good and accomplished and confident?".

Turns out, the answer is none. I can add none other things! Otherwise I will slip into anxiety and overwhelm and...whoops! There she goes.

When I pause to look around, all the classic signs are there. My house is a mess. I'm behind on deadlines and I hit the ground running every week but I don't really know what I'm chasing or where I'm going. I feel slightly on edge as soon as I wake up and I don't know why. I imagine that this is what being a new parent might feel like, except in this case, I am the baby who is fucking up my own schedule and sleep pattern. And I am much less cute than an actual baby.

But before this email pulls you right into my spiral, please know that there is good news! Since I got myself in, I can kindly get myself back out. And I've been here before, so I know the routine.

First, I say no to things. Even things I like doing but that I know will take a chunk of my time and energy. Then I ask myself what I most want to focus on right now and what's pulling me away from it. If possible, I remove or minimize the distractions. I also try to go to bed and wake up earlier because I feel much more spacious and focused early in the morning. I turn my phone off before bed and try not to turn it on again until after lunch the next day. And maybe the hardest one for me, I watch a little less tv (but dammit, I love tv!) because it makes me lethargic. In short, I do anything to catch a little quiet breathing room until I feel less frazzled and behind. 

Most importantly, I try not to beat myself up about it. I might even, you know...be nice to myself and give myself a break. I like that I'm someone who wants to explore and create. I like that I push my edges to make sure I'm engaged in my own life and growth. I'm just trying to be a little better about learning when to pump the breaks. And I'm pumping them now, but I definitely blew through a bunch of red lights first. Classic!

So if you are feeling this right now, I see you and I feel you. I invite you to pause, take a big inhale and long exhale. And another. Okay, one more. :) Give yourself a moment and then decide what needs to go and what it is you're excited to focus on. Say no as much as you need to, and allow yourself some room to breathe. You are different from me, so do what feels right for your beautiful body, brain and nervous system. If you got yourself in, you can kindly get yourself back out. I believe in you and I'm cheering you on. And then I'm silencing my phone for a bit. Win!

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you been feeling frazzled or off your game lately? Do you feel like you're always busy but never really making strides on what matters? How do you catch yourself and what best supports you and your unique body and nervous system in these moments? Let me know in the comments below

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

I was holding on so tightly!

IT WAS TIME TO LET GO

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you taking the time to float. I'm drinking a matcha latte this morning and thinking about what it means to simply allow myself to exist without expectation.

My Fat+Happy yoga classes are kicking off this week (last chance to join Thursday Yin!), and last night I had a wonderful conversation with my students about our relationship to movement. There was so much vulnerability and openness, and in short we discovered that this shit is complicated! In a world that puts a premium on thinness, the desire to move in certain ways usually has more to do with what we've been conditioned to want, as opposed to what we actually want.

I used to move solely for the purpose of shrinking my body. No matter how strong or flexible I got, no matter the mental and physical benefits, if the number on the scale wasn't moving, it all meant nothing to me. And after years upon years of that, it was extremely challenging to walk away from it, even though I was so ready to leave it all behind. It was lonely, if I'm honest. Turns out that hating our bodies is a great bonding exercise for women, and it was a favourite pastime of mine, so leaving it felt incredibly strange. It also felt like giving up. 

If my life was an ocean, then I had just jumped off of the lifeboat that I had been clinging to for decades. And desperate to find something else to hold onto, I found myself swimming like crazy, looking for the next right choice, the next community, the next lifeboat. But all I could see was a vast expanse of nothing. In my most uncomfortable moments, I tried to go back to the old lifeboat, but it no longer fit. I knew too much. So with nothing left to do, I reluctantly let myself float. And you know what? After years of swimming, kicking, hanging on, trying and failing, hating myself and trying again, the gift of letting it all go and simply drifting out to sea was the most terrifying and absolute best thing I could have done. Before I could find a new direction, I needed the space to fully release the old one.

I'm not someone that does terribly well with the unknown, but I have come to appreciate the spaces in between and the moments of silence that come with it. 

Finding joy and pleasure in movement where there hasn't been any for a long time, means letting go of your lifeboat and floating for a while. If you've only known what it is to push, try complete rest or slow gentle movement. If the number on the scale means everything, throw the scale out. You are so much more than a meaningless number. If you don't enjoy the activities you're doing, leave them behind. If your inner dialogue is holding onto what you used to be able to do, turn your attention to who you are and what you need now. What you could do five years ago really doesn't matter today. You have lived many experiences since then, so honour who you are now.

Be good to the person you are today. Give yourself space to float, to release, and then when you are ready, meet yourself again and ask yourself what feels right for you. Trust your gut and see where it takes you. I wish you all the joy and freedom that I have found by simply giving myself permission to let go of the things that were not allowing me to be and celebrate myself.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What is or was your lifeboat and when did you know it was time to leave? Do you love floating or is the vastness challenging for you? What would it feel like to explore what you actually want versus what you've been conditioned to want? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

We all want a sense of belonging

FIND YOUR COMMUNITY

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you leaning into your community. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast tea this morning and thinking about the benefits of belonging.

Last Wednesday, I was lucky enough to sit on a panel for the Vancouver premiere of the Your Fat Friend documentary. The movie was wonderful and even more than that, the space was sold out with folks of all shapes and sizes who were interested in creating a more accessible and fat-positive world.

It was a lot to take in, but what struck me at the end of the day was how comfortable it felt to be in a space where people in larger bodies were not simply being tolerated. We were being welcomed, listened to and celebrated. At one point, I stepped out to grab popcorn and when I came back in, my row was full and I had to do the whole side shuffle through the aisle to my seat. This usually makes me extremely uncomfortable because I take up a fair bit of space (this is why I usually sit on an aisle), but in this space and with these people, I felt just fine shuffling along. I didn't feel like an inconvenience or an unwelcome body in the space.

And as I listened to my peers on the panel discuss and share their own experiences and answer audience questions, it struck me that there is an absolute hunger for this kind of space and community in our city. I should already know that because I have such a solid and fantastic community of students in my classes, but I really felt that desire for belonging and acceptance from some of the wonderful audience members. It at once broke my heart and solidified my desire to do and be more in this space. 

Community is a powerful thing. Knowing that you belong and can be yourself is such a mentally healthy thing that many people do not have. When you walk through the world feeling like you constantly have to brace yourself against judgement or worse, it can be exhausting. I have been lucky enough to not only create, but also to be a part of many wonderful communities, and I have been especially grateful for the fat-positive spaces that allow me to feel free in my body.

You deserve to find spaces that celebrate and uplift you. Somewhere you can exhale and simply be yourself. 

As always, I'd love to hear about it! In what spaces do you feel most supported? Where and when do you feel at ease in your body? What kind of community or activities are you craving? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Ready to feel free?

GET BACK TO BEING A KID

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you exploring movement that makes you feel free. I'm drinking Jasmine Green Tea this morning and thinking about reclaiming my right to move as I please. 

When I was a kid, I was always outside. It was the eighties and I lived in a small town, so I could pretty much roll out in the morning and show up again for lunch or dinner. I loved being on my bike or roller skates, and I loved the feeling of moving my body and being completely out of breath from exertion. I wasn't thinking about which activity would make me look a certain way, I just knew what made me feel good. I felt free.

Until I didn't.

As my body changed and people began to comment on how they disliked it and what a problem it was, I withdrew from activity because I felt embarrassed. I didn't want people to comment or laugh (they did anyway), and I hid myself underneath baggy clothes, hoping that I would fade into the background. Oh, young Helen. I wish I could go back, flip off all those ass holes who hurt you and ride bikes together. 

For many years, movement became a means to an end. A form of punishment for a body that was too much. I didn't consider what I liked doing, I did what I needed to do in an attempt to wrangle my curves into submission. It would work for a short time, but it always felt tentative. And I never felt free. How could I possibly feel free when I wanted so badly to be someone else?

And then I signed up for yoga. Honestly, it was another weight loss attempt but something different happened in those classes. I liked the movement. I liked expanding and stretching, deep breathing and balancing. And I really liked slowing down and connecting to my body. I didn't know it at the time, but I was very slowly making my way back to myself, back to the kid who loved to be in her body and to move with joy. It wasn't a conscious choice at first. I just followed what felt good and slowly let go of needing my body to be different. And then of course I found an amazing fat positive community and was in awe of all the incredible people enjoying their bodies and lives. Their pleasure, flying in the face of a society that wants us to disappear. My winding journey has taken the better part of ten years and it's been worth every minute.

So if you're reading this today and feeling down on yourself and stuck in your body, please know that you are not alone. I am sending you so much love and I would ask you to consider doing something that has been calling your name. Something you've been saying no to because you don't feel you belong there until you've changed in some way. Or if you're like me, maybe you see something that will bring you pleasure but you feel you need to earn it first. Life is hard enough. If there's pleasure to be had, grab it with both hands!

So what is calling you? Maybe it's a hike in the woods, a bike ride, a swim or a yoga class. Maybe there's a dance class you've been wanting to try or a scuba lesson. If physical activity isn't it, is there a class you've been wanting to take or a creative project you want to start? Say yes to whatever it is that's calling you. Say yes to that little kid who loved to do all the things! Come back to yourself and your body. You deserve to feel free.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What activities did you love when you were a kid? When and how do you feel most free in your body? What is calling to you and how can you add it to your life now? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Ready to meet your perfect Valentine?

OH MY GOSH IT WAS YOU THE WHOLE TIME

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you planning something wonderful for yourself. I'm drinking Buckingham Palace tea this morning and thinking about how I love...well, love!

I was almost 20 when I got my first boyfriend. Unless you count pretending to read while secretly staring out the front window at my cute neighbour. In that case, I was in a solid relationship for about three years. I had many many crushes (I love a crush!) but remained steadfastly and annoyingly single until college. My first kiss was on stage for a play I did when I was 16 and it was...awkward.

But despite the unsteady start to my romantic life, I have always loved Valentine's Day. And even though I'm in a relationship now, I don't really associate Valentine's Day with having a partner (don't worry...he's getting a card). What I truly love is the excuse to celebrate all kinds of love, the heart shaped chocolates, reading even more romance novels than usual, and I love telling my people how much I love them. 

And perhaps the most important thing of all this time of year, is that I am reminded how much I have learned to love myself and my body. It is arguably the most important relationship of my life, and it used to be the most toxic. I have always found it so easy to love others, but loving myself was another story altogether. I have fought hard to come to a place where I can truly say that I love myself and I am not taking it for granted.

Every year, I buy myself chocolates, I have a standing Valentine's date with one of my amazing friends, I'm baking a batch of heart shaped cookies as I type this, and I'm so excited to be in a Galentine's Day show tonight and a Valentine's Day show tomorrow (links below if you want to come). I love doing the things and seeing the people that make me happy, and I love that if I'm hoping for a heart shaped box of chocolates, I go out and buy it for myself. And get it gift wrapped. And possibly smile at the store clerk and say "she'll love them" as I wander out the door. Yes, I really did that. 

So my invitation to you this Valentine's Day, regardless of your relationship status, is to show yourself maximum love. Kick off the day by writing yourself a love letter, enjoy your favourite hot drink, walk the scenic route to work or take a personal day. Buy yourself a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers. Take yourself out for a meal or cook something delicious while listening to your favourite music. Enjoy a bubble bath and then take yourself and your favourite toy to bed. What an excellent day!

These might be the cheesy Valentine's Day classics, but honestly, I love them. You can of course reimagine this into your best day and show yourself love in a way that lights you up. Especially if you struggle this time of year or are struggling in general with being kind to yourself, these small acts really do add up.

You deserve to feel loved and you don't need to wait for somebody else to offer it to you. Show yourself all the love that you give others and notice how things begin to shift. 

And if showing yourself love means finding joy in moving your body, check out my upcoming classes! I'd love to spend time exploring joy in movement together. 

Now go forth and be your own best valentine!

As always, I'd love to hear about it! How are you showing yourself love this month? Where are you on your journey of self love and what daily steps can you take to keep going? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

When the haters come around, know this!

YOU BELONG TO YOURSELF

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you reflecting on what makes you incredible. I'm drinking Jasmine Green Tea this morning and thinking about how to feel grounded in the face of other people's (often shitty) opinions.

First! I'm going to shoehorn in THIS podcast suggestion because it goes very well with the topic I'm about to rant about. 

I had another newsletter planned for today, but that will be rolling out for you next week. Today I'm stewing. Stewing over the fact that someone I care for very much recently had another person comment on her choice of snack. Cue my red eyed rage!

If you are drawn to my work, then you are likely someone who has been on the receiving end of judgement around food, your body, your choices, or all of the above. It is still infuriatingly socially acceptable for people to comment on women's bodies as if our bodies belong to the world, and more specifically, to men. Newsflash! They don't. 

Your body is your very own. It is absolutely yours and you don't owe anything to anyone. Eat what makes you feel good and happy, move in ways that light you up, rest as much as you like, wear the clothes that make you feel glorious, and find pleasure in any way that calls to you. You absolutely belong to yourself and eating a stick of celery because someone might judge you for snacking on a cookie is some absolute bullshit!

Anyone commenting on your body, your food, your clothes or the activities you enjoy, is their way of not so subtly trying to undermine you or put you in your place. To shame you into being less of who you are. It likely speaks to their own insecurities but that doesn't excuse it. And it doesn't make up for the serious harm these comments can do.

I know that in these uncomfortable and sometimes shocking moments, it can be hard to think of how to respond. So here's a handy script for the next time someone comments on something that is none of their business. Please feel free to tailor these and colour them with any language of your choice:

 - "Oh! That's a weird thing to say. Why are you commenting on that?"
 - "No one asked you."
 - "Last I checked, it was my body."
 - "Are you trying to shame me?"
 - "Are you trying to shame me...ON MY BIRTHDAY?!" *it doesn't have to be your birthday for this, but you might get a present, so why not? :)
 - "Let me just check in my purse to see if I can find some manners for you."
 - "I don't do diet talk or food policing."
 - Laugh hysterically for a weirdly long time and then say "oh...were you serious just now?"
 - "Nope. You don't talk about my food/body/clothing."
 - "I like myself and my body and I eat what I like."
 - "I'm just trying to remember the part where I asked for your opinion."

When you react to someone attempting to shame you with pride and confidence (even if you're not feeling it), it really makes them think twice about speaking to you or anyone in this way again.

Does it suck that we have to work on a plan for these types of things? Yes! It's exhausting. But I know firsthand how liberating it can be to practice these scripts as a way to simply remind yourself that you belong to no one but you. You don't owe anyone a body size or a food choice. 

One more thing before I end this rant! I'd love for you to grab a lovely cup of tea and to sit down and make a list of fifty (yes, FIFTY!) things that are so great about you. If this feels hard, then I want you to shoot an email to your closest friends and ask them to help you out. Tell them that you have a homework assignment to list fifty great things and ask them to throw five or ten things your way. I promise, they will have zero trouble coming up with a bunch of things. And if it helps, send ten things you love about them. What a freaking lovely email to receive. Let's lift each other up!

And to my friend who was food shamed this week, here's my ten things for you:
 - You are a bright light to everyone you come into contact with
 - You are strong
 - You are kind, loyal and fierce
 - You have incredible fashion sense
 - You have a joyful love of food (don't let anyone steal that!)
 - You're so damn funny
 - You go for the things you want
 - You inspire this homebody to leave her house and try new things :)
 - You care about people and will drop everything to help someone
 - You are beautiful, inside and out. Physical changes won't change that fact

My goodness, that felt nice to write! Highly recommend telling your friends why they are great. 

You deserve to live your life for you. I hope you will use these tools to keep you grounded when the jerks come around trying to throw you off balance. 

This stuff is hard and I'm sending you lots of love for wherever you are on this journey.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you ever had someone throw comments about your food choices? What did you feel in that moment and what do you know to be true? Did you write your fifty things and will you share a few of them with me??? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Before you get pulled into the orbit of a new year, remember!

IT’S WHAT’S ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you going inward and tending to your own fire (have I ever typed something more woo woo than that? Probably not!). I'm drinking Earl Grey Tea this morning and thinking about giving my attention to the right things.

Many years ago, an extremely kind and generous friend took me to the Miraj Spa in Vancouver. I had no idea what to expect, but I ended up in a beautiful scented sauna, followed by a naked scrub down (this was pre my body acceptance days, so I thought I might keel over!), a massage, a facial, all wrapped up with tea and a sweet in the comfy lounge.

It was magnificent and I remember thinking "I have never felt so beautiful". I felt like a goddess. I knew without a doubt that this would be radiating out of me and that everyone who had the gift of seeing me that day would be blown away by my ethereal beauty. What a gift to the world!

Ten minutes later, I passed a window on the way home and caught my reflection. I looked...like I had been dragged through a bush backwards. I looked like someone who had just been steamed and scrubbed, and possibly thrown in the dryer for good measure. Friends, I looked like shit. But I don't know if I have ever felt better.

In class this week, we're focusing on letting go of the external and focusing our attention inward. This can be especially challenging with a physical activity because we are so often taught that it's the aesthetic that counts. This is why so many workout studios have mirrors in them (spare me!) and why we are taught to focus on the outcome, a goal that lies somewhere in the future.

But going inward and focusing on how you feel can be far more potent. It allows you to check in with how you feel both physically and beyond. I think we have all had that experience where we might look good on the outside, but inside it's another story. Feeling good on the inside and focusing on how to care for yourself from the inside out is personal, and it forces you to let go of trying to please anyone other than yourself. It allows you to put yourself first and to get to the root of what you need.

You couldn't have paid me to change a thing about that day at the spa. At a time in my life where I really did believe that being thin was the answer to all my problems, it was a revelation to realize that I could feel so incredible while looking absolutely wild on the outside. I didn't know it then, but it was possibly my first glimpse into the power of changing my mind and not my body. I'm so grateful.

And while I don't generally get the luxury of a spa experience, I have found many ways to tap into that incredible feeling. Lately I'm finding it with a little heat and sweat. Sometimes I find it on stage, or sitting with my favourite people over a cup of tea. I often find it in my classes when I'm reminding all of you of your power too. The ripple effect is potent.

So let yourself go inward this week. Ask your body, your heart and your soul what you need. What makes you feel good and powerful? What reminds you of how incredible and strong you are? What lifts you up when you're struggling? All of the deep and wonderful magic that is you, is on the inside. The outside is just a lovely bonus. And it's still all yours. No one else gets to dictate what makes you feel good. 

Embrace that wild inner landscape, and tune into what will make you feel so damn good this year. I'm here in your corner and I'm cheering you on all the way.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you ever felt so incredible at your core? Where did that come from and how can you invite more of it? What is making you feel amazing these days? What is calling your name? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

say yes (a thousand times yes!)

SAY YES TO YOURSELF IN 2024

Hello there, happy Tuesday and Happy New Year! I hope this week finds you deleting any and every diet ad that crosses your path, and focusing on what you already love about you. I'm drinking a bracing cup of Irish Breakfast tea this morning and thinking about how I want to lean into the good stuff in 2024.

It's been a few weeks, my friends! I hope that you have been treating yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness in my absence. Because it's that post holiday time of year where not only can we feel a bit of the winter blues, but we are also annoyingly and predictably being bombarded by diet ads and promises of how much happier we'd be if we were thinner, younger, whiter, richer. 

Well to that I say...no thank you! No thank you to shaming ourselves. No thank you to starving ourselves. No thank you to hating our bodies. And a big no thank you to wishing that we were somebody else. NO THANKS, JERKS! Diet culture is the mean girl in high school that you so desperately wanted to hang out with and then hated every minute of it because she was such an ass hole. 

Here's a resolution! Let's ditch ass holes this year and lean into happiness, peace, play, self love, adventure, deep rest, romance novels, good friends, great sex, delicious food, travel, nature, a new skill, fun clothes, creativity, learning, and joyful movement.

I used to start every year from a place of deprivation. I would promise myself that if I denied myself enough, I would get to a place where I could have everything I just listed above. But here's the really annoying and exciting thing. Those feelings and experiences were always mine to take. I just believed a society that was telling me I couldn't have them unless my body was "perfect". What nonsense!

Once I jumped off the diet culture conveyor belt, I could actually stop and look around at a world that had been waiting for me all along. Of course, there are still people who have all sorts of opinions about the body I live in, but the one that matters most is my own. And I think I'm pretty great. I deserve to have all the joyful experiences and less of the shame. And so do you.

Let's say yes to everything we want this year. Yes to freedom in our bodies and expansion in our lives. What a wonderful way to start a year.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! It's nine days into the new year. What resolution is already making you feel like shit and how can you drop it? What have you always longed to do and how are you flying in that direction in 2024? What are you leaning into in the best possible way? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

It's that magical time of year where we...

EAT, DRINK, AND FU*K DIET CULTURE

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you enjoying good food, the people you love, and letting go of the intense food struggle that can happen over the holidays. I'm drinking earl grey tea (and eating a shortbread cookie for good measure) this morning and thinking about the freedom of being kind to myself and giving myself space around food.

This topic is not a new one in this newsletter, and it will certainly come back time and again, especially during the holiday season. We are into the last few weeks of the year where, if you are anything like me, you have previously spent it white knuckling your way through the holidays trying (and usually failing) to avoid delicious and nostalgic foods, and then sitting around on new years eve making a loooooong list of flaws and telling yourself that you will (nay, you MUST) do better next year. "Doing better" for me, usually meant being thinner and more pleasing to everyone around me. I imagined myself floating through holiday parties the following year, everyone staring in awe at how wonderful I looked while I declined any and all foods while softly whispering...yes, apparently thin me is a delicate whisperer..."oh. no thank you. I only eat blades of grass now. Small ones." And then I would smile and float away into the night like a glorious, tiny mirage.

I don't know why I thought thinness would also include an entire personality transplant, but it was the dream I had every time the new year rolled around. And when I reflect on it now, I was really looking for acceptance. I felt that if people were going to judge me for my body either way, I wanted them to judge it positively. But that is a losing game, friends. People will always have something to say or judge. Sometimes it's to do with you and more often than not, it's their own insecurities. Either way, you and your body deserve to be treated with love, respect and kindness. And that starts with you.

You spend all of your time with yourself, inside your own lovely head and glorious body. So you'd better make it a warm and kind place to be. If this is a new concept, that is absolutely okay! It was new to me too. You can start by thinking of one small thing you appreciate about your body. Or, you can simply decide that you are going to be a little nicer to yourself. That's how it started for me. I couldn't think of much to appreciate, so I worked on catching the shitty thoughts as they came up and then turning them away at the door. It was alarming how many were rolling in every day. It was as normal as breathing. But over time, it became less natural and finding small kindnesses became easier.

Doing this tiny practice every day turned out to be incredibly potent over time. And I realized that the problem wasn't me or my love of glorious holiday foods, it was diet culture and the way it makes us hate ourselves so that we have to forever be on the search for self improvement. It was also snide friends (no longer friends, thank you!) and family members who always had a comment or dig about my appearance. My new years dream didn't need to be me becoming so tiny that I could float away into the night, it was that all these total ass holes I was hanging out with who needed to float away and maybe fall off the edge of the earth. Okay, fine. They didn't need to fall off the edge of the earth, but I'm certainly not inviting them to any more holiday parties.

You are not the problem. Your body is not a problem to be fixed. Please allow yourself the freedom to enjoy the season as you like. Let yourself feel good, eat food, have rest, see good friends and repeat.

And as you roll to the end of the year, make a list of the things you want to let go of next year.

I chose to let go of the idea that I wasn't loveable in the body I was living in. I let go of trying to be someone who does not love love LOVE holiday treats because I really do! I let go of hating myself and wishing I was someone else. And I have to tell you, it's been the best thing I have ever done. 

I want 2024 to spell freedom for you and your absolutely magical body. So get started, one small step at a time. I'm right here with you, cheering you on.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What do you love to eat this season? How is reframing or ditching new year's resolutions going to set you free? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Panicking about your to do list?

LET’S SLOW DOWN AND BREATHE

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you stepping back to check in with how you feel and what you need in the coming weeks. I'm drinking a matcha latte this morning and thinking about reminding myself that I have choices.

The holiday season is in full swing, my friends (did you sign up for my free Christmas Day class yet?)! And while we've turned it into the season of flying in all directions and feeling the entire range of feelings, the season of Winter is arguably a time for going inward, finding stillness and guarding our energy.

In class last night, we explored our practice with closed eyes and for most people, that small shift forced all movement to be more slow and deliberate. When we removed the outward focus, going inward became a key way of being supported and finding balance.

The same can be applied if you want to find a little balance now. Yes, you probably have things you are committed to, things you are excited about, and things you wish somebody else could take care of. But what I find so fascinating about this time of year is how often I hear people say "I HAVE to do this" or "people EXPECT me to do that". Like the joy of the holiday season will absolutely be crushed if you don't buy everyone in your office a tiny bottle of Bailey's in the five spare minutes you have this weekend. 

I'm no stranger to this narrative. One of my annual traditions is sending out a pile of holiday cards. I love snail mail and it makes me so happy to send a little love this way. However, last year I was struggling with it. I couldn't find the time or the energy to do it, and I noticed myself saying "well I HAVE to do it. People are EXPECTING cards from me!" But when I slowed down and checked in with myself, I realized that I send cards because I love it. I send them because my Mom used to do it and it feels nice and nostalgic to do it. I also realized that it's a choice and I certainly don't have to force myself if it's adding stress and turning it into something I resent. So as uncomfortable as it felt, I let it go and only sent out a very small handful. It was truly a weight off my shoulders and guess what? No one sent me a text saying "What the hell, Helen? Where's my card?!?!?!" Because people are nice and we all get it. Life gets nuts and sometimes we need room to breathe.

So! My invitation to you today is that you pause. Take a few slow deep breaths. And ask yourself the following questions:

What am I looking forward to in the next few weeks? 
What do I actually need to do? 
What can I ask for help with?
What can I let go of this year, even if it makes me uncomfortable?

After each question, close your eyes and really let yourself consider. You will have knee jerk reactions which is why it's important to go inward and let yourself feel everything before you make a decision. I promise you that there are things you can drop. And of the things you are keeping, sometimes you need the simple reminder of why you do them and what you love about them. Let yourself really enjoy the things that you like. Don't rush through them.

You are allowed to enjoy the season, no matter how hectic. You are also allowed to slow down, check in with yourself and let go of certain things if it makes your life easier.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What did you discover from the questions above? How are you giving yourself the gift of space this season? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Ever feel like you don't fit?

FIND THE THINGS THAT FIT YOU

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you carving your own magical path through life. I'm drinking Genmaicha Tea this morning and thinking about the freedom of stepping out of the box society wanted to put me in.

But first! I'm teaching a free class on Christmas Day at 9am! Space is limited, so click HERE to grab your spot. 

I recently started watching the show Julia, and I cannot get enough! I'm so drawn to the story of how Julia Child got started on her career as The French Chef, and how she, as a fifty something woman, had to elbow her way into a man's world to become the delightful success she was.

In class last night, we explored the idea of stepping out of the box that someone else put us in and the freedom that comes with it. I remember the exhaustion and desperation of wanting so badly to fit into the box of "pretty young thin woman" because it seemed like it would please so many people. But at the end of the day, it didn't please me. It hurt me. 

And then I realized that there was another way. Rather than trying to fit into a box that was never made for me in the first place, I have slowly been making my own, and filling it with all the things that make me, me! That includes embracing being big and soft, becoming a yoga teacher in my mid thirties, returning to comedy and performing in my forties, and embracing a decades long love affair with romance novels. I feel more like myself and more connected to my body than I ever have before. And so much of that has to do with letting go of what other people say I should want, and embracing what I do want.

This is why Julia Child's story resonates so much. If she had listened to the naysayers or the ass holes that dictated what a woman on tv should be, we never would have known her. She was a trailblazer and a glorious reminder that our lives aren't written by middle aged white men who seem to have a general disdain for women. We are the creators of our stories. Especially as we age and find more autonomy and freedom.

And if you are reading this and realizing that you are in fact in a box that someone else created, I invite you to step. No, wait! I invite you to KARATE CHOP your way out and then drop kick that box to the moon! You are a glorious and unique person and you deserve to create the life that fits you best.

So grab a cup of tea, sit down and write down all the things that make you feel happy and all the things you want to explore, be and do. This is (I hope!) a very fun homework assignment and a reminder that it's much more joyful to focus on all the wonders of who you are, rather than all the things you aren't.

Isn't it delightful to break the mold? Yes. Yes it is.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you ever realized you were in a box that someone else had created? How are you stepping out and what things do you want to create for yourself? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Feeling pulled left and right?

FIND YOUR WHY

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you asking yourself what matters to you. I'm drinking Jasmine Green Tea this morning and thinking about my "why".

We are in it, friends! If September is the equivalent of hopping onto the roller coaster and buckling in, November and December are the full ride. Getting pulled this way and that, squealing with delight one minute (yes, I do squeal with delight) and covering our eyes the next. The end of the year can feel like a blur and with that, we can find ourselves frustrated, stressed and overwhelmed.

I was recently feeling this way, especially after being sick in September and part of October. I was (and still am) feeling behind and a bit frazzled. And then someone asked me about my work and why I do what I do. They asked what drew me to teach yoga and to do other creative things. In short, they wanted to know why and how I show up. And it was such a timely conversation because it really caused me to pause and ask myself "why do I do this? Why is this important to me?" 

And whether this person intended it or not, they got a bombardment of a response that went a little something like this, "I teach yoga because I love moving my body and in doing so, I'm celebrating fat bodies. I love teaching people to love their bodies and reframe their idea of beauty. I want everyone to know that yes, you can be fat and happy and you are not required to meet a certain beauty standard to live your life to the absolute fullest. You can use movement as a form of pleasure and connection, rather than punishment. And in doing so, you learn to be kinder to yourself."

At this point (no joke!), I start crying as I continue.

"No one ever told me that it was okay or even possible to just be me, in my body and to reach for all the happiness I could. So I want to tell as many people as possible that it's okay to be you, it's okay to live joyfully and to experience wonder and pleasure and play and freedom in your body exactly as it is. I think we have far better things to do and be than striving to be thin because someone else told us we needed to be. I don't think we need to be smaller. I think it's time to expand and be bold and to inspire others to do the same. I want us to be at peace within ourselves and to give ourselves and each other permission to be the absolute best and most joyful fucking people we can be while we're here on this planet!"

I paused with tears streaming down my cheeks, wiped them away and then launched into a tirade about the joy of romance novels and why I love talking about them on a podcast with my friend Steph. Oh my goodness! In this case, I was the roller coaster and this lovely person probably regretted buying a ticket. They walked away with a bit of emotional overload and far too much information about monster romances. :)

But they really did me a favour, and I'm so grateful. Asking about my "why" made me slow down and come back to matters most and why I started doing this in the first place. So what if I'm a bit behind? I'll catch up. What matters more is that I'm doing things with intention and with my "why" fully supporting me.

At the end of the day, I'm out here ringing my bell in the hopes that even one single person drops the self hate and starts living for themselves. I feel so lucky that someone set me on this path, and it's a privilege to do the same for others. 

So if you've got a lot going on right now, pause and ask yourself why. Why do you do the things you do? Why does it matter to you and what drives you on? Let that imbue you with the passion you need to move forward with purpose and joy, rather than being dragged along with the frantic energy. Let's ride the roller coaster with our arms in the air while we scream with absolute joy! 

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What is your "why"? What gives you purpose in your day and why do you do what you do in this life? How can that carry you forward when you're feeling less than inspired or fully frazzled? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

What's one of the top things I struggle with?

IT’S PUTTING MYSELF FIRST

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you taking wonderful care of you. I'm drinking Fresh Tracks Breakfast Tea this morning and thinking about putting myself first. Or at least not the absolute last. ;)

But first! A reminder that my FREE COMMUNITY CLASS is happening this Saturday! This one hour Yin Flow class starts with Yin to stretch and wake us up and then move into some flowing hatha for heat and movement. Click HERE to join!

Now back to the email...

Yesterday morning I was running out the door and my partner was in a zoom meeting. He was probably going to be there for hours, so before I took off I quickly made him a tea, a little bowl of trail mix, grabbed a banana and popped them all down in front of him so that he had some sustenance for the morning.

Hours later, I came home tired, a little crabby, and feeling low energy. I still had classes to teach so I needed to pep up. As I sat there asking myself what I needed to feel a bit better, I realized I hadn't really made time to eat. And I definitely hadn't been staying hydrated (classic for me). 

I do this all the time, if I'm honest. I'll make sure that the people around me are all set, and then I completely neglect myself. And I really don't like the message it sends.

By not taking care of myself the way I take care of other people, I'm essentially saying that I don't matter. Or at least I don't matter as much as everyone else. And the thing is, when I talk to some of my friends about this (usually the female identifying ones), many of them say that they do the exact same thing. That they struggle to put themselves first or they feel selfish if they do something just for them. And to be clear, the simple act of keeping yourself fed isn't a treat just for you. It's necessary so you don't collapse. 

I don't know if some of this ties into my many years of disordered eating and generally not feeling good about myself, but what I do know is that I really want to care for myself the way I care for other people. I want to show myself that I am loved...by me. Whether it's making sure I'm eating and drinking enough, or something more fancy like an afternoon high tea and a massage (yes, I have done these things back to back and I will again!), I want to make sure I'm factoring myself in. 

How you treat yourself matters. Not only does it set the tone for how you expect to be treated, but it's also wonderfully freeing to be kind and considerate to yourself. I don't know about you, but I spent far too many years telling myself I wasn't enough and I'm ready to be done with that. I'm also ready to see other women doing the same. Let's be a little more selfish, friends. Everyone else will survive. And more importantly, you are showing yourself that you are important. Because you are.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Do you find it easy to care for others and not for yourself?  How are you planning to be a bit more selfish in your own life? Let me know in the comments below!

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

A reminder you probably need

YOU ARE ENOUGH

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you being good to yourself and your body. I'm drinking a matcha latte this morning and thinking about moving through life from a place of fullness.

My Fat+Happy Yoga classes kicked off this week (last chance to get in for Thursday Yin!) and I'm so happy to be back in class with new friends and beautiful familiar faces.

On the first day of class, we do introductions and have a little welcome chat. I often ask what people are hoping to get out of the class or what they like about yoga etc, but last night I decided to ask people what they are proud of. And you would have thought I asked people to strip naked while reciting the most embarrassing moment of their lives! 

We are so conditioned to focus on what we are lacking. To downplay our achievements or put ourselves down in the face of a compliment. Like when someone says "nice outfit!" and you immediately respond with "Oh, it's nothing. It was on sale. Actually, I pulled it out of a garbage can, don't look at me!" Or the much simpler response where you immediately rattle off all the ways that you are the worst and least accomplished person on the planet. I'm smiling as I write this, because I totally do it too.

But it's time to change the narrative. 

What if you took a few minutes each day to list the things that you are proud of? What if! You topped it off with a list of things you like about yourself? GASP! And what if you sprinkled it all with some compassion for anything you might be struggling with right now?

Well, my, my, my...you might find yourself feeling a little more full. You might notice that there is a little less space for criticism. You might even realize that you are, in fact, enough. 

And yes. You will still have wants and goals and dreams. There will still be so much to learn and ways to grow and mistakes to make along the way. But what would it feel like to move from a place of knowing you are enough, rather than from a place of lacking? To have a list of things that you are proud of to recite to yourself on the low days? You are allowed to remind yourself each day of your inherent worth and move from that place of fullness.

And the next time someone says something wonderful about you, you can simply say "Thank you. I know." 

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What are you proud of and how will you remind yourself each and every day that you are enough? Let me know in the comments below.

I am proud of the fact that this newsletter has now been coming at you weekly for TWO YEARS! It was a challenge I set for myself and I can't tell how good it feels to still be here sharing with you each and every week. There! I said it. And I only cringed the tiniest bit.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

tired of the constant grind?

BE LIKE A TREE. SHED YOUR LEAVES

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you asking yourself what you want to release as we head towards the Winter. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast Tea this morning and thinking about shedding my leaves and finding stillness. 

I'm currently looking out my window at the beautiful changing colours of Fall. And on this especially windy morning, I'm watching the leaves falling and being blown around as our tree gets ready for winter. It's beautiful.

The cycles of nature have so much to teach us and I'm reminded that while we are nature, we often resist the cycles and instead prefer to push and push and push until we are exhausted. 

In a season (at least on my side of the world) where nature is letting go and going inward, we are suddenly amping up for the holidays. This will be followed by the rush of New Year's resolutions and "getting back to it". Spring will find us amping up again for the lighter days and warmer weather. And then you guessed it, Summer finds pushing ourselves and getting outside to enjoy longer days and the hot weather.

Do you see the pattern here? There's no wind down. We don't allow space for slowing down, or being still and the very important shedding that comes in the cooler seasons. Where is the time for stillness and reflection? 

In our season of diving, I talked about the beauty of asking yourself what you want and what's important to you. I talked about asking yourself how you want to feel and how you want to honour your magical old crone self. None of this is possible without stillness and release. We can't make space for things to come in if we don't let go. If we are constantly pushing and reaching without nurturing the present, I feel like we're telling ourselves on some level that nothing will ever be enough. That we must always be chasing. 

Imagine yourself as a tree in the Fall, your beautiful leaves gently falling away so that you have the space, time and energy to go inward and rest. What might it look and feel like to replenish and prepare for what comes next? 

In the world as it is, it's so hard to slow all the way down, but I invite you to find a moment each day for stillness. This might be five minutes with your tea in the morning, walking your dog without your phone so that you can enjoy being outside, or simply sitting and taking three slow deep breaths with your eyes closed. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, imagine yourself as that strong and beautiful tree and gently let your leaves drift away as you make space and invite just a touch more ease and softness into your life. The more you do this, the more natural it will become.

I'd love to help you with this, so join one of my classes and give yourself 75 minutes of time and space to be present. We're going to have such a lovely time!

As always, I'd love to hear about it! How are you honouring the cycles of nature? Do you find it challenging to slow down, and how can you support yourself in shedding this season? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Want to be a holiday season rebel?

GO AHEAD…EAT THE TINY CANDY

Hello there! I hope this week finds you getting ready to trick, treat and subsequently steal some of your kids candy. I'm drinking my favourite brand of Earl Grey Tea this morning and thinking about this season of indulgence and guilt.

Happy Halloween, friends! It's that time of year where we indulge our playful side, get into costume and of course, eat all the tiny candies. This also tends to be the time that kicks off the mental fuckery that is food being around every corner. We have alllll the candy, followed by American Thanksgiving and then Christmas is waiting just around the corner after that.

We may begin to feel stressed financially and socially and then you add to that the anxiety around eating and it becomes quite miserable for many people.

So before November is officially here, I want you to slow down, take a breath and ask yourself what an easeful holiday season might look like for you. I know, I know! You have traditions and there are expectations and you don't want to offend Doris from work who loves to bring in her baking and then also talks about doing an office weight loss challenge in the new year. Doris is a menace, my friends! But the beauty of knowing what to expect is that you can pan out, take a look at the picture in front of you and see what you'd like to shift this year. One small step at a time.

For me, it starts with eating some tiny candy. A small rebellion after decades of agonizing over every calorie. I used to equate a tiny Twix (I freaking love a Twix!) with my weakness and failure. This tiny caramel cookie coated in chocolate held so much emotional turmoil when really, it's just a sweet little snack. Here and then gone with a nice cup of tea to wash it down. It doesn't need to hold more significance than that, or if it does, let it be the significance of you taking a step in the direction of your own space and mental freedom.

I am lucky enough to have met many of you who read this newsletter, and I promise you that you are a freaking glorious human who has way better things to do than stress about food and expectations around the holiday season. I know that if you allow yourself the space now to pause and plan, you will be so happy with the outcome and the freedom that you can offer yourself.

You are allowed to make new traditions. You are allowed to eat if it makes you feel good and say no when it doesn't. You are also allowed to say "hell no!" to resolutions that center around feeling bad about yourself and your body and you are definitely allowed to eat tiny candies. Enjoy them and then let it go. Let that be your first step in making this holiday season an easeful one.

And if you want my help, join me for NOURISH, my two hour holiday workshop on December 1st. This one is Yin and Restorative yoga, coupled with meditation, journaling and group discussion. It's going to be a most excellent way to care for yourself and your body as we roll into December.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What is your favourite tiny candy and how will you embrace eating it as an act of rebellion? What does your dream holiday season look like and what steps can you take to get you headed in that wonderful direction? Let me know in the comments below!

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Let's get joyfully old!

BIG CRONE ENERGY

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you thinking about what a badass you want to be when you're in your eighties, nineties and beyond. I'm drinking Matcha Tea this morning and thinking about old crones who don't give a shit! 

I was recently doing a meditation and the teacher guided us to look into the future at our very old selves and consider what it might be like to be joyfully old. How that would feel and what we would need to embrace in order to invite that sense of joy.

I have to admit that I had never really considered it. I mean, my name is Helen and I already love to sit at home with a cup of tea while watching a British murder mystery. So I'm living that joyful eighty year old life right now! But when I really sat with the questions and thought about what appeals to me in ageing, it's often (at least for many of the women I've met) that sense of throwing the middle finger up at societal expectations and embracing what works for you.

As women, we live under a microscope in this world. We are expected to look and behave a certain way and any deviation from that is considered a failure. But here's the thing, after you hit a certain age, the microscope is slightly less interested in you. And while that can feel jarring and isolating, it can also be extremely freeing.You know that saying "dance like nobody's watching"? Well, since I turned 40, I generally feel like no one is watching so I can dance any freaking way I want to. I can try new things, I get hollered at less in the street, I'm wearing whatever the hell I want and I really really love it.

I want to carry that energy forward and rather than looking at getting older as a decline, I am asking "what else do I want to do?". I no longer want to be the princess in the fairy tale, I want to be the old witch in the forest. I mean, she owns her own home, she's killing it living by herself, she cackles constantly so we know she's having a great time. And she honestly doesn't give a shit that the townspeople don't want to hang out with her. She's got magic and she knows she's a badass. That amazing crone energy is where I want to be.

And so the question becomes, how can I be of service to that now? How can I live my life now in a way that my glorious old crone future self would applaud? Being less rigid is one thing that's come up for me. Letting go of things that don't make me happy is another. Moving my body more so that I'm limber enough to dance around my cauldron. Looking to other awesome older women for support and inspiration and spending time with my incredible friends who I know are going to be cackling around their own cottages. Lifting each other up and embracing time as it passes rather than scrambling for youth.

It is a privilege to age. And I know that it's also harrowing and it can be painful, but I'd rather aim for joy and mischief than sit around wishing I was still twenty. Old crones are awesome and I really want to be one when it's time. I'm already embracing a body that society loves to be angry with, so why not go the extra mile and get joyfully old just to add fuel to that fire? Whose with me? You're welcome at my cottage any time.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What kind of joyful crone do you want to be and how can you live your life in service of that goal? What kind of mindset shifts need to happen for you to embrace ageing? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

I'm still learning the importance of...

BEING PRESENT AND FINDING BALANCE

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you being kind to yourself and your body. I'm drinking green tea with honey this morning and thinking about what it means to be growing and giving myself what I need.

But before we proceed...Fat+Happy Yoga is open for registration!! November/December classes are now open and I'd love to see you there! Get the details and register HERE!

Okay, back to the newsletter...

I got so many lovely responses to last week's newsletter! Apparently being overwhelmed and wishing the week away is not all that uncommon and it was so lovely to hear how you're planning to slow down and embrace your life a little more.

As for me, it would be so neat and tidy to come back to you with the update that I was present, grounded and appreciative all week long. But that would be a fib, so I'm here to share that my week was up, down and all around. Good thing I love to travel!

When I initially wrote last week's email, I was inspired to share because the sense of extreme stress I was feeling heading into the week was top of mind. Writing about it really helped, especially when I recognized that I had a week of joyful things ahead. And what that ultimately did was remind me to be present as often as possible. So just like I suggest in my yoga classes, when my mind wandered, I invited it back. If I found my mind straying too far ahead in the week, I would completely focus on what I was doing in the moment by saying (inwardly or out loud), "I'm here. And right now I'm folding laundry" or taking a shower or planning a class or drafting an email. Any time I would catch myself thinking ahead and starting to worry, this would immediately bring me back and ground me. I used it time and again and found it really helpful.

Outside of that, I kept coming back to the fact that everything I had on my schedule was there for fun and I was spending time with people I really care about. I had lots of laughs (it was a comedy filled week) and I really appreciated the moments we shared in rehearsal and on stage.

And finally and perhaps most important to include, I still stressed out. Definitely less than I usually do, but there was still stress and sometimes a touch of panic. There were a few tears and ultimately I cancelled one evening so that I could sit under a blanket and watch movies. I didn't participate in much beyond what I needed to do because I was at my limit.

It was an eye opening week and a great reminder that I can slow down and be in the moment any time I want to. It was also a really lovely reflection of how I've stretched my comfort zone in the past few years. 

One of the big things I'm taking away is that I sometimes schedule my life for who I'd like to be, rather than who I actually am. I love the idea of being someone who is always on the go and has plans every night and is still able to get up early and leap into the day. And who I actually am is someone who likes routine, a good amount of space, and to sit with a cup of tea in silence with nothing on the schedule at least one day a week. When I don't make space for that, my nervous system really lets me know it. So I'm working on that balance so that I have more of the enjoyment and less of the anxiety.

I really appreciate the chance to be here with all of you because I don't know that I would have taken the time to reflect last week otherwise. I probably would have wished it away and then been sorry that I wasn't enjoying it more. So thank you for being here and reading this. And I hope that you are reflecting on your own life and finding the balance you need to strike so that you can be present and engaged without feeling overwhelmed.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! How are you finding ways to be more present moment to moment? Have you ever noticed that you plan for the person you think you'd like to be, rather than the lovely person you already are? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo