get ready to bow down

TO YOUR INNER TEACHER

Hello there, happy Tuesday and happy September! I hope this week finds you embracing the beginning of a new season, even if it's uncomfortable. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast Tea this morning and thinking about growing, changing, and bowing to my inner teacher.

But first! It's my Fat+Happy Community Class this Saturday at 9am PST. 1 hour of fat positive Yin Yoga and you can pay whatever the heck you like! REGISTER HERE!

Fall is almost upon us (happy Spring to my friends South of the equator!), and I can't wait for this season of change. And after the response to my last newsletter (so many of you are ready to say "fuck it!"), I think you're ready too.

I'm coming at you with another book quote this week, this one from The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck. I have to tell you that this book has blown my hair back and cracked my heart wide open. It might simply be the right time in my life to read it, but if the idea of being in harmony with yourself (even if it ruffles feathers) appeals to you, I highly recommend giving it a read!

In the book, Martha talks about soul guides. Those people who come along and push you along your own path, or open your eyes to certain realities or realizations. Knowing these people can even change the trajectory of your life in the best and most unexpected ways. However, she wisely cautions that “Every real soul guide outside you will bow to the teacher inside you”.

Boom! Cue me hovering over a partially sorted pile of laundry, headphones on my ears, rewinding my audio book eight times to listen to that quote again and again.

As someone who often looks to others for guidance, and sometimes ignores my own instincts in order to defer to someone else's opinion (hello every bullshit diet that was ever sold to me!), this quote hit me hard. I absolutely have moments where everything inside of me is saying one thing, and the moment someone disagrees, I squash it, deferring to them and assuming I can't possibly be right. About my own life. Helen!

I truly believe that this is not only a product of being socialized as a woman, but also being told directly and indirectly for decades that my body was wrong, and therefore my existence in a space was offensive. For many years, I operated in a constant state of shame and apology. And let me tell you, friends. That shit adds up! It's hard to go through all of that and then suddenly say, "you know what? I'm going to trust myself and my inner guide today!". No. It takes time and practice. And that is perfectly okay.

I've done a lot of work for over a decade and I can absolutely tell you that real and lasting inner change is possible. So for me, this is just another journey to take. I'm letting my inner teacher take the lead and I'm excited for what comes next.

Of course I'm still going to go to my close circle for advice. I love my community and I think sharing and checking in with each other is so healthy and important. I'm so grateful for my soul teachers in all their forms. But I've gotta tell you, I'm going to be keeping a close eye on anyone who isn't bowing the hell down to my inner teacher, and that includes me! 

My inner teacher has led me to all of you. She's pulled me out of the depths of body despair, past the anxiety of getting on stage and taking a risk, and over the hump of walking into a yoga studio when I didn't think I belonged there. She knows what she's doing and yours does too.

I'm forever grateful for all of the friends and true soul guides along the way, and with the shift in season, I'm ready to dive inward once again and see what being in harmony with myself looks like at this stage of my life. I'll be sure to update you on how it's going, and I hope you'll take this journey alongside me. 

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What does this season of change mean for you? When have you repressed your inner guide in favour of someone else's opinion? What does being in harmony with yourself mean at this time in your life? Let me know in the comments below!

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Fuck It!

START NOW!

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this email finds you joyfully checking things off your bucket list. I'm drinking Assam Breakfast Tea this morning and thinking about being our own biggest cheerleaders. 

I was recently reading one of the many romance novels I'm enjoying this Summer, and in it, a character in his mid forties catches himself in the mirror and realizes he can't turn back the clock. He feels loss and regret for all the things he could have done or started sooner, and then ultimately says, "Fuck it! Start now!"

This moment jolted me. I felt it right down to my bones. Because I have recently been watching time pass me by. Somewhat helplessly, if I'm honest. I've got projects to work on and creative pursuits that are calling my name, and instead of digging in joyfully, I have found my inner voice chanting some nasty version of "If only you'd done this ten years ago.." or "Seriously, Helen? Another new project? At your age?!" This voice has become so loud that I stand around watching time pass, rather than doing something more productive like...participating in my own life! 

To be clear, I am aware that this voice is a dick. I actually think it was formerly the voice that badgered me about my weight, but has since realized we don't do that around these parts any more (please read that in the cowboy voice I intended it). And so it has sneakily moved on to other things. Like sabotaging my hopes and dreams. Total dick!

Stories are powerful things. Whether they are the stories we tell ourselves, or the stories of the characters who reflect us. They have an impact. No matter your age, body type, or situation, you are at any time telling yourself stories that either empower or disempower you. Lift you up or hold you back. And I don't know about you, but I want my story to be one where I'm engaging in my own life. One where I'm not shaming myself or talking myself out of things because I'm worried about how I'll be perceived. In short, I want to be my own biggest cheerleader.

So to all the things I wish I'd started in my teens, twenties or thirties, I'm saying "Fuck it! Start now!' And every time that nasty voice pops up, I'm saying "Fuck you! I'm starting now." I did the same thing when I was tired of feeling shame around my body, and it changed everything. This can of course be done with less colorful language, but I like a solid bit of profanity once in a while. It's got heat!

Time keeps ticking and I feel lucky to be here. I don't want to spend it telling myself that I'm not allowed to do and try new things. 

So if you find yourself holding back or judging yourself because you "should have" started sooner, I want you to stand up and say "Fuck it! I'm starting now!". And then get after it! Enjoy the pursuit, and be engaged in your own life. You deserve it.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Where have you been holding back? What is that rude inner voice stopping you from trying? What did you wish you'd done ten years ago and can you start now? I hope the answer is a resounding yes! Let me know in the comments below!

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

I've been craving this!

A SEASON OF SWEETNESS

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you embracing that slow August energy. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast Tea this morning (with milk and honey to sweeten it up!) and thinking about the sweetness we give ourselves.

My friends, it has been a minute. Thank you for your patience and for the lovely emails from those of you who wanted to check in. I feel lucky to have such a kind community. All is well in my world, but things have been busier and a bit more scattered than I'm used to. My reaction to that is to let some things drop so that I have space to catch my breath. In this case, our tea time hangs became one of those things.

I've missed you and I'm so happy to be back today talking about our Fat+Happy Patreon theme for this month; Sweetness! 

I have historically had a challenging relationship with sweetness, especially when it comes to how I've treated myself. I also think that as a woman, I was raised in a society that teaches us to be sweet (or some variation of it) above all else. 

Like many things on my continued journey of self acceptance, I have delighted in exploring and ultimately embracing what sweetness means to me now. 

At this moment in my life, sweetness means giving myself permission to take the space that I need. It means finding balance in a way that specifically serves me and my nervous system. It also means literal sweetness like enjoying fresh berries, ice cream and chocolate without shame or judgement. It means speaking kindly to myself and acknowledging my amazing body as often as possible, even when it's not behaving how I want it to. Sweetness means putting up boundaries and saying no more often. And sweetness is taking myself out of town for a few days (this coming weekend!) and staring at a tree for longer than seems normal.

I used to think of sweetness as something I was offering outwardly to others, a perception I wanted people to have of me. And while I still take great joy in true sweetness in my relationships and even in moments with strangers, I am falling in love with embracing sweetness for myself.

I'd love for you to reflect on your own relationship with sweetness and how it would serve you in this moment in your life. I think we could all use a little more of it, especially when it comes to how we treat ourselves.

And if you'd like to watch a video where I chat about this topic and the ways you can apply it in your life, become a free member of my Fat+Happy Patreon!  You'll get a monthly video where I sip tea and chat about the topic I've chosen to explore.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What does sweetness mean to you? How has your relationship with it changed, and how do you want to start applying it in your life now? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Queen Elsa Had it right

LET IT GO

Hello there and happy June! I hope this week finds you asking yourself how you've changed in the past week, month, year, decade and beyond. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast Tea this morning and thinking about how hard it can be to let go.

My friends, I am not classy when it comes to letting go. I hang on to what I know with an iron grip, even when it's no longer serving me. I crave comfort and the knowledge of what's around the corner. I also love the idea that every day is full of new possibilities. An opportunity to experience something new, to chart a course that will invite more happiness, or to finally open doors that I had previously convinced myself were closed.

And in order to maintain some level of comfort while I explore the unknown, I tend to move at a slow and steady pace. I dip my toe in the water, rather than cannonball off the diving board. I mean, eventually I'm swimming with everyone else, there's just a little more hesitation and goosebumps before I finally get all the way in. And that's okay.

In the recent Fat+Happy Community Chat (next one is on June 19!), we talked about why we might feel shame around our bodies and how society fully endorses this shame. Diet culture promises us that on the other side of our shame is the promise of how amazing we will feel when we look different. How we'll be treated differently, not only by others, but by ourselves as well. Because we'll finally deserve all the good things.

It's a message I fully bought into for decades. So much so that when I was finally faced with another way, it was really hard to let go. Who would I be without the constant negative self talk, the revolving door of diet and exercise plans, and the goal outfit (blue jeans and a white t-shirt...tucked in, thank you very much!)? Who would I be to other people if I wasn't following the crowd and making jokes about my body in group settings? Who would I be if I wasn't constantly trying to be someone else?

It was incredibly hard for me to let go of diet culture, body shame, and the dream of being thin, in the same way it was hard for me to let go of my dream of being a famous actor. I was so wrapped up in who I would become and how beloved she would be, that I wasn't spending any time with myself in the moment. I couldn't fathom stepping into my life and my body as it was, and finding happiness and fulfillment there.

So, who would I be? Or more specifically, who am I more than a decade later, after prying my fingers away from my deepest dreams and fears one by one?

Well, I'm joyfully and very unexpectedly not only happy in my fat body, I'm a teacher who has the absolute humbling pleasure of spreading that joy, or at least planting the seeds of it, with all of you. I am also someone who no longer counts calories, cries in dressing rooms, or says no to social occasions because of my body size. I am back on stage (another unexpected surprise) pursuing my love of performance and play, and I'm doing it in this happily fat, 45 year old body. While wearing blue jeans and a tucked in white tee. ;)

And as I stand on top of what feels like a mountain after years of hard work, tears and self reflection, I can't help but feel like I have many more mountains to climb. That I am only beginning to see the real me and getting to know who I am and what I'm made of. And I like what I see.

I haven't done it perfectly or gracefully, and the road continues to be emotional and winding. But I can tell you what a gift letting go can be. I let go of believing that being thin was the answer to everything, and I let go of expecting everything to look like what I thought it would when I was fifteen years old. I let go of people who were telling me I was not and would never be enough, especially in regards to my looks and my body. And I let go of the voice inside that agreed with them.

Letting go creates space, often in the most wonderful and unexpected ways. And while I'm definitely still shuffling where others are sprinting, I like to think that we're all in it together, moving at the pace that feels right for each of us.

And my wish for you as you read this, is that you begin to release the stories and beliefs that don't allow you any room for growth as you are now. If you're waiting for a magical version of you so that you can finally begin your own adventure, please immediately run to a mirror! You are already here! You are magical and wonderful, and you deserve to walk, sprint, shuffle or crawl your way towards the things that make your heart sing. But first, you must let go of what's holding you back. Exhale and let it go. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Our theme on the Patreon this month is Letting Go, so head on over there and become a member (even a free one) to watch a video where I share more thoughts on this topic!

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What long held beliefs about yourself or your body are you ready to let go of? What stories are you holding onto because it would feel strange without them? What is your first step in letting go and what will open up when you do? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

I hugged a tree yesterday!

RECLAIMING JOY IN MOVEMENT

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you moving your body in any way that brings you joy. I'm drinking English Breakfast Tea this morning and thinking about getting outside and hugging a tree. 

But before you run out to hug your own local foliage, remember that my Community Chat is happening tomorrow and my Free Yin class is this Saturday. Not to mention, my eight-week Summer Fat+Happy Yoga sessions. Register now!

Yesterday, my partner and I did some adventuring around North Vancouver, complete with a visit to the Capilano Suspension Bridge and the top of Grouse Mountain. Anyone else feel incredibly vulnerable riding a ski lift?! My legs dangling in the air left me feeling like I would slide out and roll down the mountain. Meanwhile, there was a man sitting cross legged and happily chatting away as his chair passed us on the way down. I was so jealous of his comfort! You do you, super chill man. You do you.

It was a wonderful time and I realized that I haven't been to the top of Grouse since 2009! It was so nice to take in the views and watch excited tourists appreciate this beautiful city we live in. Plus! We did a good amount of walking and yes, it's possible I hugged a few trees along the way. I've been having some issues with my left knee, so I was feeling cautious about walking. But in the end, I moved at my own pace and it was lovely.

It was an incredible reminder of how much I love a good walk, and also the power of moving in a way that works for our bodies in the moment. I stopped and sat a few times, I hiked and puffed in short bursts, and mostly I enjoyed being off screens and out in the fresh air. 

It got me thinking of Summer and how it invites us to explore new activities. This might feel daunting when you feel like your body isn't the right fit or that it isn't where you'd like it to be. But I'm inviting you to let go of that narrative and to simply move in a way that calls to you. Maybe you pause here and do a short stretch and roll out your neck, maybe you pop on your favourite song and shimmy around the room or in your seat. You might take a walk, hug a tree and then stop at your fave coffee spot. Or maybe you're training for a race or joining a group sport. There's no wrong way to do it, and you are allowed to enjoy it!

Movement is not a punishment. It's a way to connect with and express yourself. Especially so when you're pursuing activities you enjoy, rather than what you think you should do.

So if you find yourself dreading your movement plan, ask yourself the following questions: 
 - Is this type of movement really what I want? 
 - Do I enjoy it?
 - Does it help me to feel good in my body, as it is now?
 - Am I working with guides or instructors who are welcoming and inclusive?
 - Does this movement feel empowering or deflating?

If you answered no to most of these, it's probably time for a change. Especially my friends in bigger bodies who are so often told that we should only do gruelling cardio. You are allowed to move in any way that calls to you, and there's nothing wrong with super slow and chill practices, if that's what you want and need. In fact, they can be a wonderful way to get in touch with your body and what it's telling you.

So, get out there and hug a tree or stay home and hug a yoga mat. It's entirely up to you. Take this opportunity to explore movement in your own way. I promise, it'll be the first step to a more joyful Summer in your body, exactly as it is.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What movement would you love to try for the first time? What activities did you love when you were a kid? How do you think reframing your relationship to movement will serve you? Let me know in the comments below

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Food, Glorious Food!

THE HEALING POWER OF BEING WELL FED

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you daring to do more of the things you love. I'm drinking Aztec Chocolate tea from Neverland Tea Salon this morning (you must try it!) and thinking about the healing power of feeding myself. 

Before I get into it, don't forget to sign up for the Community Chat on May 9th and the Community Yin Class on May 11th. We're going to have so much fun!

Here's a fun fact you didn't ask for (you're welcome)! My house smells like beans. Not the best smell, I grant you. But it smells heavenly to me because once those suckers are done soaking, I'm making stew. 

It's been a busy and challenging few months for me. I've been struggling with my mental health and finding balance in my life. And as tends to be the case when this happens, everything begins to slide. My daily habits, my regular sleep schedule, my movement practice. All of it tumbles downhill until I find myself tumbling with it.

And as exhausting as it can be, I've been here before and I've been waiting for the moment to arrive where I feel a shift. It always arrives in unexpected ways, and no matter how much I'd like to be in control of it, it usually surprises me. And this time is no different. Because this time, it's food.

A few weeks ago, I got an email with a recipe for this cake and I felt extremely pulled to make it. It's an ambitious recipe for me, but I got so excited to try it that I didn't question it. The cake was delicious and the act of baking it felt really soothing to me. I was feeding myself and a good friend. We both recently had birthdays, so of course there must be cake! It was warm and delicious and served with tea (naturally). Look, I hate to be a cliche, but that cake felt like a warm hug. A delicious almond scented warm hug. 

A few days later, I got an email from my local bookstore telling me that the book I'd ordered came in. I had no recollection of ordering a book, but I love it when I preorder something and then it surprises me months later. I strolled over to get it, and it was a freaking recipe book! More cooking!

For the past week, I've been making it a priority to get in the kitchen and feed myself! Some things are as simple as old favourites or trying different kinds of fruits and vegetables, and then when I have time, I'm finding new recipes to try. I've been scouring over the Rainbow Plant Life website and making her Miso Mushroom Risotto, Butternut Squash Lentil Curry and today will be a White Bean Stew and Cornbread. I've also got some cookie recipes on the brain because I love love LOVE a sweet treat with my tea. And my coffee. And my general existence.

Cooking and baking have been a wonderful way to do something for myself when I haven't felt like doing much at all. And as an added bonus, connecting with food is a wonderful and warming reminder of how far I've come in my life and my body. Where it used to be a minefield of stress and calorie counting, it's now a space where I enjoy whatever feels good in the moment. It's not a struggle I ever thought I'd get over in this lifetime, and it reminds me that I can do hard things.

I trust that this hard time will pass. And until then, I'm going to feed myself well and with love.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! How do you support yourself when you're going through it? How do you feed yourself and has your relationship with food changed over the years? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

This changed everything for me

THE PURSUIT OF PLEASURE OVER PUNISHMENT

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you seeking pleasure in every corner of your life. I'm drinking Jasmine Green tea this morning and thinking about how the pursuit of pleasure over punishment has changed my life.

But first! My Fat+Happy May classes are open for registration! Click HERE for the schedule and to join a class now!

It's the final week of classes over here at Fat+Happy Yoga, and nine times out of ten, my theme on the last day is "celebration!". It's so very on the nose, but I don't think we can ever celebrate too much, and committing to a weekly practice is no small thing. It's an especially big deal when that practice asks you to potentially reframe your entire relationship to movement. 

This week, I'm asking my students to commit to pleasure over punishment. And the moment I say the words, I see a strong reaction on people's faces. There's a widening of the eyes, usually followed by a knowing nod or a sheepish smile. Because if you've ever moved your body because someone taught you to hate it, then you weren't there for a good time. You were there to punish yourself. Possibly even spending good money while looking for answers from some jacked up trainer who was screaming at you. Yeah, same! Been there. Didn't love it. Don't want to do it again.

In all my years of disordered eating and intense exercise, I never once thought of pleasure as a goal. The goal was to shrink and become more acceptable to the world at large, which I hoped would then make me acceptable to myself. 

But here's the thing. When you spend day after day in that space of punishment and treating yourself and your body like you don't deserve to feel good, then you are simply training yourself and your brain to operate from a perspective where you are never enough. Not thin enough, flexible enough, fast enough, young enough and on and on and on.

And what's absolutely maddening to me, because it took me so many decades to figure it out, is that pleasure is right there. It's RIGHT THERE! It's there when you opt for movement practices you enjoy with teachers who respect and celebrate you. It's there in choosing relationships where people love you without condition. It's there in delicious food that you don't need to measure or count because you are allowed to simply eat. It's there in the inner dialogue that tells you that you are a damn wonder of a human and you deserve to pursue the things that bring you ease and softness and yes, pleasure!

It took me many years to open my eyes to the fact that I didn't need to punish myself. Yes, my body was and is big. So what?! Yes, I hate cardio and you could offer me a million dollars to run a marathon and I would offer you two million to go away. Who cares?! Because at the end of the day it's my life and my body and when I was punishing it day in and day out, it ultimately wasn't for my health or physical appearance. It was in the hopes of finding peace.

And while I still struggle from time to time, I'm much happier in the pursuit of pleasure over punishment. Of letting myself exist and experiencing the things that make me feel happy and expansive. It's where I have found the peace I was so desperately looking for. And I really want that for you too.

In fact! I want it so much that I think we should chat about it! On Thursday May 9th, I'm hosting my very first Fat+Happy Community Chat! In this one hour zoom, I will share how I got started on my journey to loving and accepting my body and I'm going to offer some insight on how you can get started too! So bring yourself, your questions and your tea (of course!), and I can't wait to talk to you. It's by donation so there's really no reason to miss it, right? Right! Register now!

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you been approaching movement from a place of punishment? Do you feel like pleasure needs to be reserved for some future version of yourself? And where would you most like to inject more pleasure in your life? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Finding inner peace

BY LETTING GO OF OUTER BULLSHIT

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you planting your feet in the knowledge that you are an excellent human being, and you are doing your best. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast tea this morning (so predictable) and thinking about turning down the outer noise.

It's been one heck of a time for the fat positive movement lately. With weight loss drugs and "leggings legs" being hot topics on social media and beyond, I feel like I've hopped back to the nightmare that was the 1990's. Oh my god, I gave the Snackwells corporation so much of my money back then. Why?!

Personally, I've been feeling a bit underwater. So yesterday I signed up for an online community designed to help in creating daily habits for well being. As is common when I'm not feeling my best, I've been sliding on my meditation, water drinking and the general habits that help me to feel good, and I thought a community would be a nice and helpful thing. Moments into it, they started talking about being "overweight" in conjunction with bad habits and shitty health, which led to me feeling uncomfortable and unwelcome. Frustrated, I cancelled my membership. 

In moments like these, the world can feel exhausting, confusing and depleting. And I'm not going to lie, there are times when I look around and ask myself if I'm crazy for wanting to swim against the tide of popular opinion. Because when the noise gets so loud, sometimes it's hard to know what's right. It's hard to hear your own thoughts and feelings above the cacophony of marketing creeps and general ass holes.

But here's the thing, the vehemence with which these trends are rolling in is a reminder that something is changing. If we weren't making headway and bringing more people around to treating themselves and their glorious bodies with love, respect and kindness, we wouldn't have this kind of backlash. If we didn't have more people saying "fuck you!" to the diet culture industry, we wouldn't have people feeling so furious with fat positive activists and influencers.

There will always be the pendulum swing as a reaction to this kind of momentum, so what do we do to weather the storm? How do we protect our peace while still fighting for our right to exist in our bodies as they are?

Well, I certainly haven't perfected this, but my little foray into that online community yesterday offered a few wonderful reminders. The first one being my tendency to look for outward approval before I seek my own wisdom. For decades, I looked to other people and society at large to tell me what I was doing wrong and how I could fix it. This led to all kinds of terrible advice and only deepened my hatred for my body. It also doubled down on me feeling like the solution was somewhere outside of myself.

Which brings us to the second reminder. I don't need to ask a bunch of people because I already know how to take care of myself and what's best for me. I know what I need to do to get my habits back on track. I know that I feel a thousand times better physically and mentally when I'm not chasing fad diets and listening to fat hate. I know that staying off socials and taking down time helps me to come back to myself. I also know that when I'm ready to be online again, I'm empowered and inspired by the wonderful people doing this work, and I'm blocking the hell out of anyone who wants to police bodies and shame women (especially youth) for being anything other than thin. 

Don't get me wrong, I love a sense of community and it's so important in this work and in life. We need each other. But we also need to be able to sit quietly with ourselves and let the noise and nonsense fade away. We need to be able to ask ourselves and our bodies what is right for us.

Your body is all yours to do with as you please. But how can you know what that is when all you hear is one loud and toxic message? How can you know what is right for you, when people are so furiously telling you that your body is wrong?

Well, how about we start with a new message? Let's flip the script and see where that takes us! Spoiler...it's somewhere better.

You and your body are most excellent! You are not a before picture or a project. You are lovely. You are doing your best and that is enough. You deserve peace. Let yourself embody that knowledge and sit in the freedom of it. Quiet the outer noise and from that place, check in with what you need. Trust yourself and go from there.

It's tough out there right now. But the pendulum will swing again, and until then, you deserve to protect your peace. Whatever that means for you. 

As always, I'd love to hear about it! How are you doing? How do you support yourself when you feel bombarded with negative messaging about your body? How can you silence the outer noise for at least a few minutes every day, and offer time to connect with yourself and your body? Let me know in the comments below!

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Ooh, it's messy at the moment!

EVERYBODY GRAB A BROOM

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you considering the ways in which you can best take care of yourself. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast tea this morning and thinking about slowing down and creating space.

I've been a little all over the map lately. I have a bad habit of feeling like if there's a spare hour in the day, then I can probably fill it with something like a class or workshop, a performance, writing, or socializing. I feel especially lucky because I like the things I'm doing, so adding more shouldn't be a problem, right? Right, everyone?

Cue the crickets.

As an extroverted introvert, I need a fair amount of alone time to rest, recharge and create. I'm at my best and happiest when I have a good amount of space and time to catch my breath in between bouts of doing. And if I'm honest, lately my "down time" is spent agonizing over what I'm not doing or what's falling behind. Most of us have been there and the feeling sucks.

Whenever I find myself in this place, it usually comes from doing things that are pushing me to the edge of my comfort zone. Especially after lockdown, I find a little pushing important to my growth and happiness. However! As soon as I'm in the flow of this new comfort zone pushing schedule, I get cocky and I start to think "well if this is making me feel good and accomplished and confident, how many other things can I add in so that I feel even more good and accomplished and confident?".

Turns out, the answer is none. I can add none other things! Otherwise I will slip into anxiety and overwhelm and...whoops! There she goes.

When I pause to look around, all the classic signs are there. My house is a mess. I'm behind on deadlines and I hit the ground running every week but I don't really know what I'm chasing or where I'm going. I feel slightly on edge as soon as I wake up and I don't know why. I imagine that this is what being a new parent might feel like, except in this case, I am the baby who is fucking up my own schedule and sleep pattern. And I am much less cute than an actual baby.

But before this email pulls you right into my spiral, please know that there is good news! Since I got myself in, I can kindly get myself back out. And I've been here before, so I know the routine.

First, I say no to things. Even things I like doing but that I know will take a chunk of my time and energy. Then I ask myself what I most want to focus on right now and what's pulling me away from it. If possible, I remove or minimize the distractions. I also try to go to bed and wake up earlier because I feel much more spacious and focused early in the morning. I turn my phone off before bed and try not to turn it on again until after lunch the next day. And maybe the hardest one for me, I watch a little less tv (but dammit, I love tv!) because it makes me lethargic. In short, I do anything to catch a little quiet breathing room until I feel less frazzled and behind. 

Most importantly, I try not to beat myself up about it. I might even, you know...be nice to myself and give myself a break. I like that I'm someone who wants to explore and create. I like that I push my edges to make sure I'm engaged in my own life and growth. I'm just trying to be a little better about learning when to pump the breaks. And I'm pumping them now, but I definitely blew through a bunch of red lights first. Classic!

So if you are feeling this right now, I see you and I feel you. I invite you to pause, take a big inhale and long exhale. And another. Okay, one more. :) Give yourself a moment and then decide what needs to go and what it is you're excited to focus on. Say no as much as you need to, and allow yourself some room to breathe. You are different from me, so do what feels right for your beautiful body, brain and nervous system. If you got yourself in, you can kindly get yourself back out. I believe in you and I'm cheering you on. And then I'm silencing my phone for a bit. Win!

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you been feeling frazzled or off your game lately? Do you feel like you're always busy but never really making strides on what matters? How do you catch yourself and what best supports you and your unique body and nervous system in these moments? Let me know in the comments below

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

I was holding on so tightly!

IT WAS TIME TO LET GO

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you taking the time to float. I'm drinking a matcha latte this morning and thinking about what it means to simply allow myself to exist without expectation.

My Fat+Happy yoga classes are kicking off this week (last chance to join Thursday Yin!), and last night I had a wonderful conversation with my students about our relationship to movement. There was so much vulnerability and openness, and in short we discovered that this shit is complicated! In a world that puts a premium on thinness, the desire to move in certain ways usually has more to do with what we've been conditioned to want, as opposed to what we actually want.

I used to move solely for the purpose of shrinking my body. No matter how strong or flexible I got, no matter the mental and physical benefits, if the number on the scale wasn't moving, it all meant nothing to me. And after years upon years of that, it was extremely challenging to walk away from it, even though I was so ready to leave it all behind. It was lonely, if I'm honest. Turns out that hating our bodies is a great bonding exercise for women, and it was a favourite pastime of mine, so leaving it felt incredibly strange. It also felt like giving up. 

If my life was an ocean, then I had just jumped off of the lifeboat that I had been clinging to for decades. And desperate to find something else to hold onto, I found myself swimming like crazy, looking for the next right choice, the next community, the next lifeboat. But all I could see was a vast expanse of nothing. In my most uncomfortable moments, I tried to go back to the old lifeboat, but it no longer fit. I knew too much. So with nothing left to do, I reluctantly let myself float. And you know what? After years of swimming, kicking, hanging on, trying and failing, hating myself and trying again, the gift of letting it all go and simply drifting out to sea was the most terrifying and absolute best thing I could have done. Before I could find a new direction, I needed the space to fully release the old one.

I'm not someone that does terribly well with the unknown, but I have come to appreciate the spaces in between and the moments of silence that come with it. 

Finding joy and pleasure in movement where there hasn't been any for a long time, means letting go of your lifeboat and floating for a while. If you've only known what it is to push, try complete rest or slow gentle movement. If the number on the scale means everything, throw the scale out. You are so much more than a meaningless number. If you don't enjoy the activities you're doing, leave them behind. If your inner dialogue is holding onto what you used to be able to do, turn your attention to who you are and what you need now. What you could do five years ago really doesn't matter today. You have lived many experiences since then, so honour who you are now.

Be good to the person you are today. Give yourself space to float, to release, and then when you are ready, meet yourself again and ask yourself what feels right for you. Trust your gut and see where it takes you. I wish you all the joy and freedom that I have found by simply giving myself permission to let go of the things that were not allowing me to be and celebrate myself.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What is or was your lifeboat and when did you know it was time to leave? Do you love floating or is the vastness challenging for you? What would it feel like to explore what you actually want versus what you've been conditioned to want? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

We all want a sense of belonging

FIND YOUR COMMUNITY

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you leaning into your community. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast tea this morning and thinking about the benefits of belonging.

Last Wednesday, I was lucky enough to sit on a panel for the Vancouver premiere of the Your Fat Friend documentary. The movie was wonderful and even more than that, the space was sold out with folks of all shapes and sizes who were interested in creating a more accessible and fat-positive world.

It was a lot to take in, but what struck me at the end of the day was how comfortable it felt to be in a space where people in larger bodies were not simply being tolerated. We were being welcomed, listened to and celebrated. At one point, I stepped out to grab popcorn and when I came back in, my row was full and I had to do the whole side shuffle through the aisle to my seat. This usually makes me extremely uncomfortable because I take up a fair bit of space (this is why I usually sit on an aisle), but in this space and with these people, I felt just fine shuffling along. I didn't feel like an inconvenience or an unwelcome body in the space.

And as I listened to my peers on the panel discuss and share their own experiences and answer audience questions, it struck me that there is an absolute hunger for this kind of space and community in our city. I should already know that because I have such a solid and fantastic community of students in my classes, but I really felt that desire for belonging and acceptance from some of the wonderful audience members. It at once broke my heart and solidified my desire to do and be more in this space. 

Community is a powerful thing. Knowing that you belong and can be yourself is such a mentally healthy thing that many people do not have. When you walk through the world feeling like you constantly have to brace yourself against judgement or worse, it can be exhausting. I have been lucky enough to not only create, but also to be a part of many wonderful communities, and I have been especially grateful for the fat-positive spaces that allow me to feel free in my body.

You deserve to find spaces that celebrate and uplift you. Somewhere you can exhale and simply be yourself. 

As always, I'd love to hear about it! In what spaces do you feel most supported? Where and when do you feel at ease in your body? What kind of community or activities are you craving? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Ready to feel free?

GET BACK TO BEING A KID

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you exploring movement that makes you feel free. I'm drinking Jasmine Green Tea this morning and thinking about reclaiming my right to move as I please. 

When I was a kid, I was always outside. It was the eighties and I lived in a small town, so I could pretty much roll out in the morning and show up again for lunch or dinner. I loved being on my bike or roller skates, and I loved the feeling of moving my body and being completely out of breath from exertion. I wasn't thinking about which activity would make me look a certain way, I just knew what made me feel good. I felt free.

Until I didn't.

As my body changed and people began to comment on how they disliked it and what a problem it was, I withdrew from activity because I felt embarrassed. I didn't want people to comment or laugh (they did anyway), and I hid myself underneath baggy clothes, hoping that I would fade into the background. Oh, young Helen. I wish I could go back, flip off all those ass holes who hurt you and ride bikes together. 

For many years, movement became a means to an end. A form of punishment for a body that was too much. I didn't consider what I liked doing, I did what I needed to do in an attempt to wrangle my curves into submission. It would work for a short time, but it always felt tentative. And I never felt free. How could I possibly feel free when I wanted so badly to be someone else?

And then I signed up for yoga. Honestly, it was another weight loss attempt but something different happened in those classes. I liked the movement. I liked expanding and stretching, deep breathing and balancing. And I really liked slowing down and connecting to my body. I didn't know it at the time, but I was very slowly making my way back to myself, back to the kid who loved to be in her body and to move with joy. It wasn't a conscious choice at first. I just followed what felt good and slowly let go of needing my body to be different. And then of course I found an amazing fat positive community and was in awe of all the incredible people enjoying their bodies and lives. Their pleasure, flying in the face of a society that wants us to disappear. My winding journey has taken the better part of ten years and it's been worth every minute.

So if you're reading this today and feeling down on yourself and stuck in your body, please know that you are not alone. I am sending you so much love and I would ask you to consider doing something that has been calling your name. Something you've been saying no to because you don't feel you belong there until you've changed in some way. Or if you're like me, maybe you see something that will bring you pleasure but you feel you need to earn it first. Life is hard enough. If there's pleasure to be had, grab it with both hands!

So what is calling you? Maybe it's a hike in the woods, a bike ride, a swim or a yoga class. Maybe there's a dance class you've been wanting to try or a scuba lesson. If physical activity isn't it, is there a class you've been wanting to take or a creative project you want to start? Say yes to whatever it is that's calling you. Say yes to that little kid who loved to do all the things! Come back to yourself and your body. You deserve to feel free.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What activities did you love when you were a kid? When and how do you feel most free in your body? What is calling to you and how can you add it to your life now? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Ready to meet your perfect Valentine?

OH MY GOSH IT WAS YOU THE WHOLE TIME

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you planning something wonderful for yourself. I'm drinking Buckingham Palace tea this morning and thinking about how I love...well, love!

I was almost 20 when I got my first boyfriend. Unless you count pretending to read while secretly staring out the front window at my cute neighbour. In that case, I was in a solid relationship for about three years. I had many many crushes (I love a crush!) but remained steadfastly and annoyingly single until college. My first kiss was on stage for a play I did when I was 16 and it was...awkward.

But despite the unsteady start to my romantic life, I have always loved Valentine's Day. And even though I'm in a relationship now, I don't really associate Valentine's Day with having a partner (don't worry...he's getting a card). What I truly love is the excuse to celebrate all kinds of love, the heart shaped chocolates, reading even more romance novels than usual, and I love telling my people how much I love them. 

And perhaps the most important thing of all this time of year, is that I am reminded how much I have learned to love myself and my body. It is arguably the most important relationship of my life, and it used to be the most toxic. I have always found it so easy to love others, but loving myself was another story altogether. I have fought hard to come to a place where I can truly say that I love myself and I am not taking it for granted.

Every year, I buy myself chocolates, I have a standing Valentine's date with one of my amazing friends, I'm baking a batch of heart shaped cookies as I type this, and I'm so excited to be in a Galentine's Day show tonight and a Valentine's Day show tomorrow (links below if you want to come). I love doing the things and seeing the people that make me happy, and I love that if I'm hoping for a heart shaped box of chocolates, I go out and buy it for myself. And get it gift wrapped. And possibly smile at the store clerk and say "she'll love them" as I wander out the door. Yes, I really did that. 

So my invitation to you this Valentine's Day, regardless of your relationship status, is to show yourself maximum love. Kick off the day by writing yourself a love letter, enjoy your favourite hot drink, walk the scenic route to work or take a personal day. Buy yourself a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers. Take yourself out for a meal or cook something delicious while listening to your favourite music. Enjoy a bubble bath and then take yourself and your favourite toy to bed. What an excellent day!

These might be the cheesy Valentine's Day classics, but honestly, I love them. You can of course reimagine this into your best day and show yourself love in a way that lights you up. Especially if you struggle this time of year or are struggling in general with being kind to yourself, these small acts really do add up.

You deserve to feel loved and you don't need to wait for somebody else to offer it to you. Show yourself all the love that you give others and notice how things begin to shift. 

And if showing yourself love means finding joy in moving your body, check out my upcoming classes! I'd love to spend time exploring joy in movement together. 

Now go forth and be your own best valentine!

As always, I'd love to hear about it! How are you showing yourself love this month? Where are you on your journey of self love and what daily steps can you take to keep going? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

When the haters come around, know this!

YOU BELONG TO YOURSELF

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you reflecting on what makes you incredible. I'm drinking Jasmine Green Tea this morning and thinking about how to feel grounded in the face of other people's (often shitty) opinions.

First! I'm going to shoehorn in THIS podcast suggestion because it goes very well with the topic I'm about to rant about. 

I had another newsletter planned for today, but that will be rolling out for you next week. Today I'm stewing. Stewing over the fact that someone I care for very much recently had another person comment on her choice of snack. Cue my red eyed rage!

If you are drawn to my work, then you are likely someone who has been on the receiving end of judgement around food, your body, your choices, or all of the above. It is still infuriatingly socially acceptable for people to comment on women's bodies as if our bodies belong to the world, and more specifically, to men. Newsflash! They don't. 

Your body is your very own. It is absolutely yours and you don't owe anything to anyone. Eat what makes you feel good and happy, move in ways that light you up, rest as much as you like, wear the clothes that make you feel glorious, and find pleasure in any way that calls to you. You absolutely belong to yourself and eating a stick of celery because someone might judge you for snacking on a cookie is some absolute bullshit!

Anyone commenting on your body, your food, your clothes or the activities you enjoy, is their way of not so subtly trying to undermine you or put you in your place. To shame you into being less of who you are. It likely speaks to their own insecurities but that doesn't excuse it. And it doesn't make up for the serious harm these comments can do.

I know that in these uncomfortable and sometimes shocking moments, it can be hard to think of how to respond. So here's a handy script for the next time someone comments on something that is none of their business. Please feel free to tailor these and colour them with any language of your choice:

 - "Oh! That's a weird thing to say. Why are you commenting on that?"
 - "No one asked you."
 - "Last I checked, it was my body."
 - "Are you trying to shame me?"
 - "Are you trying to shame me...ON MY BIRTHDAY?!" *it doesn't have to be your birthday for this, but you might get a present, so why not? :)
 - "Let me just check in my purse to see if I can find some manners for you."
 - "I don't do diet talk or food policing."
 - Laugh hysterically for a weirdly long time and then say "oh...were you serious just now?"
 - "Nope. You don't talk about my food/body/clothing."
 - "I like myself and my body and I eat what I like."
 - "I'm just trying to remember the part where I asked for your opinion."

When you react to someone attempting to shame you with pride and confidence (even if you're not feeling it), it really makes them think twice about speaking to you or anyone in this way again.

Does it suck that we have to work on a plan for these types of things? Yes! It's exhausting. But I know firsthand how liberating it can be to practice these scripts as a way to simply remind yourself that you belong to no one but you. You don't owe anyone a body size or a food choice. 

One more thing before I end this rant! I'd love for you to grab a lovely cup of tea and to sit down and make a list of fifty (yes, FIFTY!) things that are so great about you. If this feels hard, then I want you to shoot an email to your closest friends and ask them to help you out. Tell them that you have a homework assignment to list fifty great things and ask them to throw five or ten things your way. I promise, they will have zero trouble coming up with a bunch of things. And if it helps, send ten things you love about them. What a freaking lovely email to receive. Let's lift each other up!

And to my friend who was food shamed this week, here's my ten things for you:
 - You are a bright light to everyone you come into contact with
 - You are strong
 - You are kind, loyal and fierce
 - You have incredible fashion sense
 - You have a joyful love of food (don't let anyone steal that!)
 - You're so damn funny
 - You go for the things you want
 - You inspire this homebody to leave her house and try new things :)
 - You care about people and will drop everything to help someone
 - You are beautiful, inside and out. Physical changes won't change that fact

My goodness, that felt nice to write! Highly recommend telling your friends why they are great. 

You deserve to live your life for you. I hope you will use these tools to keep you grounded when the jerks come around trying to throw you off balance. 

This stuff is hard and I'm sending you lots of love for wherever you are on this journey.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you ever had someone throw comments about your food choices? What did you feel in that moment and what do you know to be true? Did you write your fifty things and will you share a few of them with me??? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Before you get pulled into the orbit of a new year, remember!

IT’S WHAT’S ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you going inward and tending to your own fire (have I ever typed something more woo woo than that? Probably not!). I'm drinking Earl Grey Tea this morning and thinking about giving my attention to the right things.

Many years ago, an extremely kind and generous friend took me to the Miraj Spa in Vancouver. I had no idea what to expect, but I ended up in a beautiful scented sauna, followed by a naked scrub down (this was pre my body acceptance days, so I thought I might keel over!), a massage, a facial, all wrapped up with tea and a sweet in the comfy lounge.

It was magnificent and I remember thinking "I have never felt so beautiful". I felt like a goddess. I knew without a doubt that this would be radiating out of me and that everyone who had the gift of seeing me that day would be blown away by my ethereal beauty. What a gift to the world!

Ten minutes later, I passed a window on the way home and caught my reflection. I looked...like I had been dragged through a bush backwards. I looked like someone who had just been steamed and scrubbed, and possibly thrown in the dryer for good measure. Friends, I looked like shit. But I don't know if I have ever felt better.

In class this week, we're focusing on letting go of the external and focusing our attention inward. This can be especially challenging with a physical activity because we are so often taught that it's the aesthetic that counts. This is why so many workout studios have mirrors in them (spare me!) and why we are taught to focus on the outcome, a goal that lies somewhere in the future.

But going inward and focusing on how you feel can be far more potent. It allows you to check in with how you feel both physically and beyond. I think we have all had that experience where we might look good on the outside, but inside it's another story. Feeling good on the inside and focusing on how to care for yourself from the inside out is personal, and it forces you to let go of trying to please anyone other than yourself. It allows you to put yourself first and to get to the root of what you need.

You couldn't have paid me to change a thing about that day at the spa. At a time in my life where I really did believe that being thin was the answer to all my problems, it was a revelation to realize that I could feel so incredible while looking absolutely wild on the outside. I didn't know it then, but it was possibly my first glimpse into the power of changing my mind and not my body. I'm so grateful.

And while I don't generally get the luxury of a spa experience, I have found many ways to tap into that incredible feeling. Lately I'm finding it with a little heat and sweat. Sometimes I find it on stage, or sitting with my favourite people over a cup of tea. I often find it in my classes when I'm reminding all of you of your power too. The ripple effect is potent.

So let yourself go inward this week. Ask your body, your heart and your soul what you need. What makes you feel good and powerful? What reminds you of how incredible and strong you are? What lifts you up when you're struggling? All of the deep and wonderful magic that is you, is on the inside. The outside is just a lovely bonus. And it's still all yours. No one else gets to dictate what makes you feel good. 

Embrace that wild inner landscape, and tune into what will make you feel so damn good this year. I'm here in your corner and I'm cheering you on all the way.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you ever felt so incredible at your core? Where did that come from and how can you invite more of it? What is making you feel amazing these days? What is calling your name? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

say yes (a thousand times yes!)

SAY YES TO YOURSELF IN 2024

Hello there, happy Tuesday and Happy New Year! I hope this week finds you deleting any and every diet ad that crosses your path, and focusing on what you already love about you. I'm drinking a bracing cup of Irish Breakfast tea this morning and thinking about how I want to lean into the good stuff in 2024.

It's been a few weeks, my friends! I hope that you have been treating yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness in my absence. Because it's that post holiday time of year where not only can we feel a bit of the winter blues, but we are also annoyingly and predictably being bombarded by diet ads and promises of how much happier we'd be if we were thinner, younger, whiter, richer. 

Well to that I say...no thank you! No thank you to shaming ourselves. No thank you to starving ourselves. No thank you to hating our bodies. And a big no thank you to wishing that we were somebody else. NO THANKS, JERKS! Diet culture is the mean girl in high school that you so desperately wanted to hang out with and then hated every minute of it because she was such an ass hole. 

Here's a resolution! Let's ditch ass holes this year and lean into happiness, peace, play, self love, adventure, deep rest, romance novels, good friends, great sex, delicious food, travel, nature, a new skill, fun clothes, creativity, learning, and joyful movement.

I used to start every year from a place of deprivation. I would promise myself that if I denied myself enough, I would get to a place where I could have everything I just listed above. But here's the really annoying and exciting thing. Those feelings and experiences were always mine to take. I just believed a society that was telling me I couldn't have them unless my body was "perfect". What nonsense!

Once I jumped off the diet culture conveyor belt, I could actually stop and look around at a world that had been waiting for me all along. Of course, there are still people who have all sorts of opinions about the body I live in, but the one that matters most is my own. And I think I'm pretty great. I deserve to have all the joyful experiences and less of the shame. And so do you.

Let's say yes to everything we want this year. Yes to freedom in our bodies and expansion in our lives. What a wonderful way to start a year.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! It's nine days into the new year. What resolution is already making you feel like shit and how can you drop it? What have you always longed to do and how are you flying in that direction in 2024? What are you leaning into in the best possible way? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

It's that magical time of year where we...

EAT, DRINK, AND FU*K DIET CULTURE

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you enjoying good food, the people you love, and letting go of the intense food struggle that can happen over the holidays. I'm drinking earl grey tea (and eating a shortbread cookie for good measure) this morning and thinking about the freedom of being kind to myself and giving myself space around food.

This topic is not a new one in this newsletter, and it will certainly come back time and again, especially during the holiday season. We are into the last few weeks of the year where, if you are anything like me, you have previously spent it white knuckling your way through the holidays trying (and usually failing) to avoid delicious and nostalgic foods, and then sitting around on new years eve making a loooooong list of flaws and telling yourself that you will (nay, you MUST) do better next year. "Doing better" for me, usually meant being thinner and more pleasing to everyone around me. I imagined myself floating through holiday parties the following year, everyone staring in awe at how wonderful I looked while I declined any and all foods while softly whispering...yes, apparently thin me is a delicate whisperer..."oh. no thank you. I only eat blades of grass now. Small ones." And then I would smile and float away into the night like a glorious, tiny mirage.

I don't know why I thought thinness would also include an entire personality transplant, but it was the dream I had every time the new year rolled around. And when I reflect on it now, I was really looking for acceptance. I felt that if people were going to judge me for my body either way, I wanted them to judge it positively. But that is a losing game, friends. People will always have something to say or judge. Sometimes it's to do with you and more often than not, it's their own insecurities. Either way, you and your body deserve to be treated with love, respect and kindness. And that starts with you.

You spend all of your time with yourself, inside your own lovely head and glorious body. So you'd better make it a warm and kind place to be. If this is a new concept, that is absolutely okay! It was new to me too. You can start by thinking of one small thing you appreciate about your body. Or, you can simply decide that you are going to be a little nicer to yourself. That's how it started for me. I couldn't think of much to appreciate, so I worked on catching the shitty thoughts as they came up and then turning them away at the door. It was alarming how many were rolling in every day. It was as normal as breathing. But over time, it became less natural and finding small kindnesses became easier.

Doing this tiny practice every day turned out to be incredibly potent over time. And I realized that the problem wasn't me or my love of glorious holiday foods, it was diet culture and the way it makes us hate ourselves so that we have to forever be on the search for self improvement. It was also snide friends (no longer friends, thank you!) and family members who always had a comment or dig about my appearance. My new years dream didn't need to be me becoming so tiny that I could float away into the night, it was that all these total ass holes I was hanging out with who needed to float away and maybe fall off the edge of the earth. Okay, fine. They didn't need to fall off the edge of the earth, but I'm certainly not inviting them to any more holiday parties.

You are not the problem. Your body is not a problem to be fixed. Please allow yourself the freedom to enjoy the season as you like. Let yourself feel good, eat food, have rest, see good friends and repeat.

And as you roll to the end of the year, make a list of the things you want to let go of next year.

I chose to let go of the idea that I wasn't loveable in the body I was living in. I let go of trying to be someone who does not love love LOVE holiday treats because I really do! I let go of hating myself and wishing I was someone else. And I have to tell you, it's been the best thing I have ever done. 

I want 2024 to spell freedom for you and your absolutely magical body. So get started, one small step at a time. I'm right here with you, cheering you on.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What do you love to eat this season? How is reframing or ditching new year's resolutions going to set you free? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Panicking about your to do list?

LET’S SLOW DOWN AND BREATHE

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you stepping back to check in with how you feel and what you need in the coming weeks. I'm drinking a matcha latte this morning and thinking about reminding myself that I have choices.

The holiday season is in full swing, my friends (did you sign up for my free Christmas Day class yet?)! And while we've turned it into the season of flying in all directions and feeling the entire range of feelings, the season of Winter is arguably a time for going inward, finding stillness and guarding our energy.

In class last night, we explored our practice with closed eyes and for most people, that small shift forced all movement to be more slow and deliberate. When we removed the outward focus, going inward became a key way of being supported and finding balance.

The same can be applied if you want to find a little balance now. Yes, you probably have things you are committed to, things you are excited about, and things you wish somebody else could take care of. But what I find so fascinating about this time of year is how often I hear people say "I HAVE to do this" or "people EXPECT me to do that". Like the joy of the holiday season will absolutely be crushed if you don't buy everyone in your office a tiny bottle of Bailey's in the five spare minutes you have this weekend. 

I'm no stranger to this narrative. One of my annual traditions is sending out a pile of holiday cards. I love snail mail and it makes me so happy to send a little love this way. However, last year I was struggling with it. I couldn't find the time or the energy to do it, and I noticed myself saying "well I HAVE to do it. People are EXPECTING cards from me!" But when I slowed down and checked in with myself, I realized that I send cards because I love it. I send them because my Mom used to do it and it feels nice and nostalgic to do it. I also realized that it's a choice and I certainly don't have to force myself if it's adding stress and turning it into something I resent. So as uncomfortable as it felt, I let it go and only sent out a very small handful. It was truly a weight off my shoulders and guess what? No one sent me a text saying "What the hell, Helen? Where's my card?!?!?!" Because people are nice and we all get it. Life gets nuts and sometimes we need room to breathe.

So! My invitation to you today is that you pause. Take a few slow deep breaths. And ask yourself the following questions:

What am I looking forward to in the next few weeks? 
What do I actually need to do? 
What can I ask for help with?
What can I let go of this year, even if it makes me uncomfortable?

After each question, close your eyes and really let yourself consider. You will have knee jerk reactions which is why it's important to go inward and let yourself feel everything before you make a decision. I promise you that there are things you can drop. And of the things you are keeping, sometimes you need the simple reminder of why you do them and what you love about them. Let yourself really enjoy the things that you like. Don't rush through them.

You are allowed to enjoy the season, no matter how hectic. You are also allowed to slow down, check in with yourself and let go of certain things if it makes your life easier.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What did you discover from the questions above? How are you giving yourself the gift of space this season? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Ever feel like you don't fit?

FIND THE THINGS THAT FIT YOU

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you carving your own magical path through life. I'm drinking Genmaicha Tea this morning and thinking about the freedom of stepping out of the box society wanted to put me in.

But first! I'm teaching a free class on Christmas Day at 9am! Space is limited, so click HERE to grab your spot. 

I recently started watching the show Julia, and I cannot get enough! I'm so drawn to the story of how Julia Child got started on her career as The French Chef, and how she, as a fifty something woman, had to elbow her way into a man's world to become the delightful success she was.

In class last night, we explored the idea of stepping out of the box that someone else put us in and the freedom that comes with it. I remember the exhaustion and desperation of wanting so badly to fit into the box of "pretty young thin woman" because it seemed like it would please so many people. But at the end of the day, it didn't please me. It hurt me. 

And then I realized that there was another way. Rather than trying to fit into a box that was never made for me in the first place, I have slowly been making my own, and filling it with all the things that make me, me! That includes embracing being big and soft, becoming a yoga teacher in my mid thirties, returning to comedy and performing in my forties, and embracing a decades long love affair with romance novels. I feel more like myself and more connected to my body than I ever have before. And so much of that has to do with letting go of what other people say I should want, and embracing what I do want.

This is why Julia Child's story resonates so much. If she had listened to the naysayers or the ass holes that dictated what a woman on tv should be, we never would have known her. She was a trailblazer and a glorious reminder that our lives aren't written by middle aged white men who seem to have a general disdain for women. We are the creators of our stories. Especially as we age and find more autonomy and freedom.

And if you are reading this and realizing that you are in fact in a box that someone else created, I invite you to step. No, wait! I invite you to KARATE CHOP your way out and then drop kick that box to the moon! You are a glorious and unique person and you deserve to create the life that fits you best.

So grab a cup of tea, sit down and write down all the things that make you feel happy and all the things you want to explore, be and do. This is (I hope!) a very fun homework assignment and a reminder that it's much more joyful to focus on all the wonders of who you are, rather than all the things you aren't.

Isn't it delightful to break the mold? Yes. Yes it is.

As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you ever realized you were in a box that someone else had created? How are you stepping out and what things do you want to create for yourself? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo

Feeling pulled left and right?

FIND YOUR WHY

Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you asking yourself what matters to you. I'm drinking Jasmine Green Tea this morning and thinking about my "why".

We are in it, friends! If September is the equivalent of hopping onto the roller coaster and buckling in, November and December are the full ride. Getting pulled this way and that, squealing with delight one minute (yes, I do squeal with delight) and covering our eyes the next. The end of the year can feel like a blur and with that, we can find ourselves frustrated, stressed and overwhelmed.

I was recently feeling this way, especially after being sick in September and part of October. I was (and still am) feeling behind and a bit frazzled. And then someone asked me about my work and why I do what I do. They asked what drew me to teach yoga and to do other creative things. In short, they wanted to know why and how I show up. And it was such a timely conversation because it really caused me to pause and ask myself "why do I do this? Why is this important to me?" 

And whether this person intended it or not, they got a bombardment of a response that went a little something like this, "I teach yoga because I love moving my body and in doing so, I'm celebrating fat bodies. I love teaching people to love their bodies and reframe their idea of beauty. I want everyone to know that yes, you can be fat and happy and you are not required to meet a certain beauty standard to live your life to the absolute fullest. You can use movement as a form of pleasure and connection, rather than punishment. And in doing so, you learn to be kinder to yourself."

At this point (no joke!), I start crying as I continue.

"No one ever told me that it was okay or even possible to just be me, in my body and to reach for all the happiness I could. So I want to tell as many people as possible that it's okay to be you, it's okay to live joyfully and to experience wonder and pleasure and play and freedom in your body exactly as it is. I think we have far better things to do and be than striving to be thin because someone else told us we needed to be. I don't think we need to be smaller. I think it's time to expand and be bold and to inspire others to do the same. I want us to be at peace within ourselves and to give ourselves and each other permission to be the absolute best and most joyful fucking people we can be while we're here on this planet!"

I paused with tears streaming down my cheeks, wiped them away and then launched into a tirade about the joy of romance novels and why I love talking about them on a podcast with my friend Steph. Oh my goodness! In this case, I was the roller coaster and this lovely person probably regretted buying a ticket. They walked away with a bit of emotional overload and far too much information about monster romances. :)

But they really did me a favour, and I'm so grateful. Asking about my "why" made me slow down and come back to matters most and why I started doing this in the first place. So what if I'm a bit behind? I'll catch up. What matters more is that I'm doing things with intention and with my "why" fully supporting me.

At the end of the day, I'm out here ringing my bell in the hopes that even one single person drops the self hate and starts living for themselves. I feel so lucky that someone set me on this path, and it's a privilege to do the same for others. 

So if you've got a lot going on right now, pause and ask yourself why. Why do you do the things you do? Why does it matter to you and what drives you on? Let that imbue you with the passion you need to move forward with purpose and joy, rather than being dragged along with the frantic energy. Let's ride the roller coaster with our arms in the air while we scream with absolute joy! 

As always, I'd love to hear about it! What is your "why"? What gives you purpose in your day and why do you do what you do in this life? How can that carry you forward when you're feeling less than inspired or fully frazzled? Let me know in the comments below.

As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.

Much love,
Helen xo