YOU BELONG TO YOURSELF
Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you reflecting on what makes you incredible. I'm drinking Jasmine Green Tea this morning and thinking about how to feel grounded in the face of other people's (often shitty) opinions.
First! I'm going to shoehorn in THIS podcast suggestion because it goes very well with the topic I'm about to rant about.
I had another newsletter planned for today, but that will be rolling out for you next week. Today I'm stewing. Stewing over the fact that someone I care for very much recently had another person comment on her choice of snack. Cue my red eyed rage!
If you are drawn to my work, then you are likely someone who has been on the receiving end of judgement around food, your body, your choices, or all of the above. It is still infuriatingly socially acceptable for people to comment on women's bodies as if our bodies belong to the world, and more specifically, to men. Newsflash! They don't.
Your body is your very own. It is absolutely yours and you don't owe anything to anyone. Eat what makes you feel good and happy, move in ways that light you up, rest as much as you like, wear the clothes that make you feel glorious, and find pleasure in any way that calls to you. You absolutely belong to yourself and eating a stick of celery because someone might judge you for snacking on a cookie is some absolute bullshit!
Anyone commenting on your body, your food, your clothes or the activities you enjoy, is their way of not so subtly trying to undermine you or put you in your place. To shame you into being less of who you are. It likely speaks to their own insecurities but that doesn't excuse it. And it doesn't make up for the serious harm these comments can do.
I know that in these uncomfortable and sometimes shocking moments, it can be hard to think of how to respond. So here's a handy script for the next time someone comments on something that is none of their business. Please feel free to tailor these and colour them with any language of your choice:
- "Oh! That's a weird thing to say. Why are you commenting on that?"
- "No one asked you."
- "Last I checked, it was my body."
- "Are you trying to shame me?"
- "Are you trying to shame me...ON MY BIRTHDAY?!" *it doesn't have to be your birthday for this, but you might get a present, so why not? :)
- "Let me just check in my purse to see if I can find some manners for you."
- "I don't do diet talk or food policing."
- Laugh hysterically for a weirdly long time and then say "oh...were you serious just now?"
- "Nope. You don't talk about my food/body/clothing."
- "I like myself and my body and I eat what I like."
- "I'm just trying to remember the part where I asked for your opinion."
When you react to someone attempting to shame you with pride and confidence (even if you're not feeling it), it really makes them think twice about speaking to you or anyone in this way again.
Does it suck that we have to work on a plan for these types of things? Yes! It's exhausting. But I know firsthand how liberating it can be to practice these scripts as a way to simply remind yourself that you belong to no one but you. You don't owe anyone a body size or a food choice.
One more thing before I end this rant! I'd love for you to grab a lovely cup of tea and to sit down and make a list of fifty (yes, FIFTY!) things that are so great about you. If this feels hard, then I want you to shoot an email to your closest friends and ask them to help you out. Tell them that you have a homework assignment to list fifty great things and ask them to throw five or ten things your way. I promise, they will have zero trouble coming up with a bunch of things. And if it helps, send ten things you love about them. What a freaking lovely email to receive. Let's lift each other up!
And to my friend who was food shamed this week, here's my ten things for you:
- You are a bright light to everyone you come into contact with
- You are strong
- You are kind, loyal and fierce
- You have incredible fashion sense
- You have a joyful love of food (don't let anyone steal that!)
- You're so damn funny
- You go for the things you want
- You inspire this homebody to leave her house and try new things :)
- You care about people and will drop everything to help someone
- You are beautiful, inside and out. Physical changes won't change that fact
My goodness, that felt nice to write! Highly recommend telling your friends why they are great.
You deserve to live your life for you. I hope you will use these tools to keep you grounded when the jerks come around trying to throw you off balance.
This stuff is hard and I'm sending you lots of love for wherever you are on this journey.
As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you ever had someone throw comments about your food choices? What did you feel in that moment and what do you know to be true? Did you write your fifty things and will you share a few of them with me??? Let me know in the comments below.
As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.
Much love,
Helen xo
