EVERYBODY GRAB A BROOM
Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you considering the ways in which you can best take care of yourself. I'm drinking Irish Breakfast tea this morning and thinking about slowing down and creating space.
I've been a little all over the map lately. I have a bad habit of feeling like if there's a spare hour in the day, then I can probably fill it with something like a class or workshop, a performance, writing, or socializing. I feel especially lucky because I like the things I'm doing, so adding more shouldn't be a problem, right? Right, everyone?
Cue the crickets.
As an extroverted introvert, I need a fair amount of alone time to rest, recharge and create. I'm at my best and happiest when I have a good amount of space and time to catch my breath in between bouts of doing. And if I'm honest, lately my "down time" is spent agonizing over what I'm not doing or what's falling behind. Most of us have been there and the feeling sucks.
Whenever I find myself in this place, it usually comes from doing things that are pushing me to the edge of my comfort zone. Especially after lockdown, I find a little pushing important to my growth and happiness. However! As soon as I'm in the flow of this new comfort zone pushing schedule, I get cocky and I start to think "well if this is making me feel good and accomplished and confident, how many other things can I add in so that I feel even more good and accomplished and confident?".
Turns out, the answer is none. I can add none other things! Otherwise I will slip into anxiety and overwhelm and...whoops! There she goes.
When I pause to look around, all the classic signs are there. My house is a mess. I'm behind on deadlines and I hit the ground running every week but I don't really know what I'm chasing or where I'm going. I feel slightly on edge as soon as I wake up and I don't know why. I imagine that this is what being a new parent might feel like, except in this case, I am the baby who is fucking up my own schedule and sleep pattern. And I am much less cute than an actual baby.
But before this email pulls you right into my spiral, please know that there is good news! Since I got myself in, I can kindly get myself back out. And I've been here before, so I know the routine.
First, I say no to things. Even things I like doing but that I know will take a chunk of my time and energy. Then I ask myself what I most want to focus on right now and what's pulling me away from it. If possible, I remove or minimize the distractions. I also try to go to bed and wake up earlier because I feel much more spacious and focused early in the morning. I turn my phone off before bed and try not to turn it on again until after lunch the next day. And maybe the hardest one for me, I watch a little less tv (but dammit, I love tv!) because it makes me lethargic. In short, I do anything to catch a little quiet breathing room until I feel less frazzled and behind.
Most importantly, I try not to beat myself up about it. I might even, you know...be nice to myself and give myself a break. I like that I'm someone who wants to explore and create. I like that I push my edges to make sure I'm engaged in my own life and growth. I'm just trying to be a little better about learning when to pump the breaks. And I'm pumping them now, but I definitely blew through a bunch of red lights first. Classic!
So if you are feeling this right now, I see you and I feel you. I invite you to pause, take a big inhale and long exhale. And another. Okay, one more. :) Give yourself a moment and then decide what needs to go and what it is you're excited to focus on. Say no as much as you need to, and allow yourself some room to breathe. You are different from me, so do what feels right for your beautiful body, brain and nervous system. If you got yourself in, you can kindly get yourself back out. I believe in you and I'm cheering you on. And then I'm silencing my phone for a bit. Win!
As always, I'd love to hear about it! Have you been feeling frazzled or off your game lately? Do you feel like you're always busy but never really making strides on what matters? How do you catch yourself and what best supports you and your unique body and nervous system in these moments? Let me know in the comments below
As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.
Much love,
Helen xo