GET BACK TO BEING A KID
Hello there and happy Tuesday! I hope this week finds you exploring movement that makes you feel free. I'm drinking Jasmine Green Tea this morning and thinking about reclaiming my right to move as I please.
When I was a kid, I was always outside. It was the eighties and I lived in a small town, so I could pretty much roll out in the morning and show up again for lunch or dinner. I loved being on my bike or roller skates, and I loved the feeling of moving my body and being completely out of breath from exertion. I wasn't thinking about which activity would make me look a certain way, I just knew what made me feel good. I felt free.
Until I didn't.
As my body changed and people began to comment on how they disliked it and what a problem it was, I withdrew from activity because I felt embarrassed. I didn't want people to comment or laugh (they did anyway), and I hid myself underneath baggy clothes, hoping that I would fade into the background. Oh, young Helen. I wish I could go back, flip off all those ass holes who hurt you and ride bikes together.
For many years, movement became a means to an end. A form of punishment for a body that was too much. I didn't consider what I liked doing, I did what I needed to do in an attempt to wrangle my curves into submission. It would work for a short time, but it always felt tentative. And I never felt free. How could I possibly feel free when I wanted so badly to be someone else?
And then I signed up for yoga. Honestly, it was another weight loss attempt but something different happened in those classes. I liked the movement. I liked expanding and stretching, deep breathing and balancing. And I really liked slowing down and connecting to my body. I didn't know it at the time, but I was very slowly making my way back to myself, back to the kid who loved to be in her body and to move with joy. It wasn't a conscious choice at first. I just followed what felt good and slowly let go of needing my body to be different. And then of course I found an amazing fat positive community and was in awe of all the incredible people enjoying their bodies and lives. Their pleasure, flying in the face of a society that wants us to disappear. My winding journey has taken the better part of ten years and it's been worth every minute.
So if you're reading this today and feeling down on yourself and stuck in your body, please know that you are not alone. I am sending you so much love and I would ask you to consider doing something that has been calling your name. Something you've been saying no to because you don't feel you belong there until you've changed in some way. Or if you're like me, maybe you see something that will bring you pleasure but you feel you need to earn it first. Life is hard enough. If there's pleasure to be had, grab it with both hands!
So what is calling you? Maybe it's a hike in the woods, a bike ride, a swim or a yoga class. Maybe there's a dance class you've been wanting to try or a scuba lesson. If physical activity isn't it, is there a class you've been wanting to take or a creative project you want to start? Say yes to whatever it is that's calling you. Say yes to that little kid who loved to do all the things! Come back to yourself and your body. You deserve to feel free.
As always, I'd love to hear about it! What activities did you love when you were a kid? When and how do you feel most free in your body? What is calling to you and how can you add it to your life now? Let me know in the comments below.
As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.
Much love,
Helen xo
