Hello there! I hope this finds you underneath a pile of half-eaten chocolate bunnies. I'm sipping Chai this morning and thinking about asking for what I want.
I just got home from a training session, the first with a brand new trainer. I became interested in strength training last year and, after wandering around aimlessly at the gym while dodging senior citizens lunging across the room, I decided to meet with someone who knows what they are doing. So that I too, might lunge with seniors.
This is the second trainer I've worked with recently and I've been really explicit that I'm not interested in weight loss. I simply want to build strength. The last trainer was very nice, but couldn't seem to get away from "the fat burning zone" and cardio. This is not uncommon when you are fat. People think you need to basically just start running and stop when you're thin. It's frustrating and it goes a long way in explaining why many people don't feel comfortable in a gym or fitness setting. They feel afraid to ask for what they want because the assumption is that if you knew what was best for you, you wouldn't be fat. The same goes for doctors offices, wellness environments and essentially living your life and navigating the general world. I call bullshit and I'm tired of towing the apologetic line.
Historically I wouldn't have specified my needs and just said "whatever you think is best". But when you begin walking the path of your own physical and mental wellbeing, an important part of that is figuring out what you want and then asking for it. Especially if that goes against the mainstream.
This is still not easy for me. My instinct is to go along to get along and I generally struggle to put myself first. However, one of the things I have learned as I embrace myself and my body is that there will often be pushback. So you have to be firm and clear about what you want and need, regardless of what the response might be.
This can range from small everyday things like deciding where you want to go for dinner (my stock answer used to be "whatever you want"), to big things like making sure you have health care providers who listen to you and support your unique wellbeing.
If this already comes naturally to you, that's amazing and I hope you keep it up! If like me you struggle in this area, take it one step at a time. Give yourself the space and time to ask yourself what you want and then you can convey it clearly. It might feel overwhelming or wrong at first, it might feel like you are making a bit deal out of nothing. But you are a big deal. And so are your wants and needs.
And if you find yourself with people who don't listen, especially if you're paying them, find someone else to take your money. This is why I'm now with trainer number two. It's not always easy or comfortable, but you matter. What you want and need matters and you are allowed to ask for it.
As you move through your week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.
Much love,
Helen xo
