Hello there! I hope this week finds you looking ahead to April and browsing the chocolate egg aisle at the drug store. :) I'm sipping Buckingham Palace tea this morning and thinking about finding pleasure in movement.
I love moving my body! I have always loved it. When I was kid, you couldn't keep me inside. I was either out on my bike, my roller skates, playing soccer or hanging out of a tree. I loved swimming and dancing and being outside, and I always had the best time being with my friends and moving my body. Movement represented freedom to me.
I was incredibly active and I wasn't thin. This is normal. And who cares anyway? Apparently, a lot of people. Sigh.
As I got older, my weight became a source of pain and frustration. I remember getting kicked out of a dance troupe because I didn't look like everybody else (I'm a freaking great dancer, btw!). Then I wasn't getting picked for sports teams, and activity became a place where people would whisper and laugh at me (someone save me from swimming day at school!).
As I look back at my teen self, I realize that outside of the occasional bike ride, my activity took place in the basement to workout DVD's. I skipped gym class wherever possible because I didn't want to be seen and teased. I hated the workout DVD's but I had become so consumed with being thin that the physical activities I actually enjoyed had fallen by the wayside. Those were things I felt that I had to earn my way back to, rather than simply doing them because they gave me pleasure.
Fat people experiencing pleasure is threatening. It doesn't fit the narrative we've been saddled with and it forces us to question if our bodies are actually the problem. Spoiler! They aren't.
As I started to question the stories I'd been told about how my life could only look a certain way in this body, I also started to find my way back to me. I'm embracing who I am and what gives me pleasure. As far as movement goes, it's been a slow and gratifying progression. I started with yoga and then added in more dancing, both with friends and alone around the house. Then I progressed to getting outside for nature walks at my pace without any calorie burning goals. Before the pandemic, I started going to spin classes with my brother (so fun!) and I'm trying to fall in love with riding my bike again. And last year in a very big step for me, I challenged myself to go to the outdoor pool once a week in the Summer and it was magnificent! Hell yes I was nervous, but I love being in the water and I will no longer deny myself that pleasure! It was such a treat and I feel like my legs saw the sun for the first time in a long time.
This year, I'm working on my hiking game. I'm honestly still at the walking stage, but I have a goal to get out there on some beautiful hikes this Summer and to not be shy as I huff and puff my way up those inclines.
Less shame. More pleasure!
Next week, I'm going to continue this series and talk about food as pleasure!
As you move through your week and contemplate all the pleasures that are out there for the taking, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.
Much love,
Helen xo