TREAT YOURSELF LIKE THE WORTHY HUMAN YOU ARE
Hello there! I hope this week finds you reminding yourself that you are allowed to put yourself first. I'm drinking Malty Breakfast Assam this morning and thinking about how putting myself before others makes me feel very selfish. And then frustrated. And then angry. And then guilty. And then...you get the point.
I was recently making some scheduling plans for late Summer, and I kept bumping against what I wanted to do and what I felt I should do. I would think about what I wanted and needed, and my body would give me a "hell yes!" feeling, and then I would almost immediately backtrack and start thinking about how this might affect other people.
Yes, I could take the time I need for me. BUT! If I just pushed myself to do this little thing and that little project, then these other people would be happy. And I love making people happy. So much so that I will allow my own needs to fall right to the bottom of the pile. And over time I start to resent those people I made happy, thinking "well, well, well....must be nice to be you! You must be thrilled that you're getting what you want while I'm over here depleted and now a husk of my former self!". Yeah. Grumpy depleted Helen is also incredibly dramatic.
The funny thing is that nine times out of ten, nobody asked me to go above and beyond or to abandon my own plans. They simply asked me to do something that I could easily have said no to. These lovely people are in their own world with no idea that I'm stewing at home, slowly becoming a super villain, forged in the fires of doing more than I was asked and then being pissed about it.
So I've recently been asking myself why I do this. Why do I go beyond what I'm able to do and then feel resentful? Yes, I really do like to support people and collaborate and help out where I can, but I can do that without putting my needs last. Ultimately, I discovered that while I feel like other people deserve rest and support and space, I feel terribly guilty when I take it for myself. Because I don't believe I'm worthy of it. Ooph! After a decade of working on loving myself and yelling at you to love yourselves, this is a hard pill to swallow.
So the challenge I'm now setting myself is carving out time anyway. Allowing myself the space that I need and saying no to things that will overextend me. I know the guilt will creep in, but I also know that when I do say yes to things, it will be with my whole heart. In short, I'm not waiting to feel worthy, I am going to show myself that I am worthy by giving myself and my body what I need.
If this is something you struggle with, then I challenge you to sit with yourself (obviously have a lovely cup of tea in hand) and ask yourself when and why you don't allow yourself to come first. Why you feel that everyone else matters more than you. This is an uncomfortable conversation, especially for women who are pretty much taught that we are here to serve others. But you deserve to dig in and get to know what makes you tick.
When you allow yourself to be worthy and to put yourself first, you are even better when it's time to show up for others. And more importantly, you learn how to show up for you.
As always, I'd love to hear about it! Is putting yourself first something you have struggled with? How do you move past it and remind yourself that you are worthy of being a priority? Let me know in the comments below.
As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.
Much love,
Helen xo