YOU DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD IN IT
Hello there! I hope this week finds you taking some time to connect with yourself and your body in a way that feels good to you. I'm drinking Rose Black tea this morning and thinking about what it means to be at home in my body.
I was making a smoothie this morning and part way through grabbing the ingredients and tossing them into the blender, a bag of chips caught my eye (hello delicious salty breakfast) and I went "mmmmmm...I'll have those". So I stood there snacking while the blender did its thing. And as I was tossing the bag back up on the fridge, it struck me how easeful the moment was. I had a craving, I grabbed a handful and then I got back to what I was doing. If you have ever struggled with dieting and disordered eating, you know why this is a big deal.
Not too many years ago, this moment would have been entirely different. Fraught with "I shouldn't. I don't need those. I'm already making a smoothie and it's what I'm supposed to have. Why did I even let chips in the house? I need to put them in the trash..." and on and on.
My mind was never peaceful, especially where food and my body were involved. My inner monologue was a relentless reminder that I was failing and my body had to be different. And honestly, I was used to that. That was the norm. Apologizing for my body and repeatedly trying to "fix" it were a huge part of my life and I never really expected that to change.
Until it did. :)
I'd love to tell you that I made the bold decision to love myself as is, but honestly I was just tired and sort of half heartedly scouting around for a diet that would be less mean to me. When I realized that all diets are assholes and it was time to break up, that was hard too. So much so that when I made the decision to let go and be in this body, as it is now, I felt unmoored and totally freaked out.
But over time and with lots of work and self love practices, things started to change. I didn't have clammy hands as I walked around the candy aisle at Shoppers, I didn't feel sad when my belly would get in the way in yoga, I didn't mind if you could see my actual shape under my clothes and I started to feel more like myself. I was living for me and not for a version of me that didn't even exist yet. It's freeing and I'm emotional just thinking about it.
The road to being at home in my body is a long and winding one and far more complicated than I can outline in this newsletter. But I will tell you that if you are struggling in your body, you are not alone. Your body is not the problem. Your body is your home and you deserve to be happy in it. You are the one who has to live in it, after all. You deserve to look around at all the unique things that make it all yours and say "yeah. it's not perfect and it doesn't need to be. I'm happy here."
And that is out there for you. If you are on the conveyor belt of diets and self hate, invite yourself to step off. Let go of the things that make you feel like you are not enough and move in the direction of things that light you up. The more you add in (new hobbies, hanging with awesome friends, exploring fat positive social media, trying foods you're excited about, cooking a new recipe, taking a trip, reading all the good books, exploring body positive practices and uplifting movement), the less room you will have for diet culture garbage and that's a very good thing. :)
And if you want some help along the way, I'm here! My awesome friend Sus and I are back with our Homebody series this Fall. These monthly workshops aim to support you in feeling at home in your body so that you can live your life more freely and expansively. Check out the details HERE.
As you move through this week, remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.
Much love,
Helen xo
