YES, THAT WOULD BE ME
Hello there! I hope this week finds you being kind to yourself and exploring the possibility of a happy change in your life (oooh! now I'm so curious what you're thinking about!!!!). I'm sipping Scottish Breakfast Tea this morning and thinking about the power of confrontation (please send me a selfie of the uncomfortable face you're making right now).
In class this week, we have been exploring the idea that any worthwhile pursuit can come with discomfort or feelings of confrontation. And I'm just gonna put it out there right away: if I met you at a fork in the road and you said "to go this way, you'll need to pass through some type of emotionally confronting feeling to get to your destination or this other way where there are definitely fifty hungry alligators waiting"...I'd seriously consider the alligators.
My fight or flight response is strong and definitely leans into flight mode when I'm stressed, uncomfortable or feeling confronted. This is true in terms of confrontation with others, but today I'm pondering the sometimes huge internal confrontation I face when I'm about to step out of my comfort zone. This is nothing new for me. I remember panicking and bailing on sleepovers when I was a kid, I tried to cancel on my initial yoga teacher training because my foot hurt (lolll), I panicked and jumped right back into Weight Watchers when I started to see an expansive life beyond dieting, I think about quitting comedy altogether any time a show is looming. And as I mentioned in last week's newsletter, my Patreon (Fat + Happy) has been more than a year in the making because every time it started to come together I wanted to crawl into a hole. :)
All this is to say that it's normal to feel confronted by change, even if it's a change we desperately want. There's comfort in what we know and I am someone who loves my routine and my comfort zone.
So what do you do? If you're dreaming of change or have a specific goal or experience in mind, how do you manage when that confrontational feeling comes up? When all you want to do is hide under a bush or start lashing out? I have found that the best way out is through and so I am slowly learning to ask myself the following questions before I run screaming in the other direction (I'm listing them below incase you want to copy and paste into your own document or use them to journal):
- Why am I feeling this way?
- Why this fear?
- Where am I feeling this in my body?
- Is this change/goal/experience actually something I want or is it something I think I should want?
- How will this change improve my life?
- What's great about this and what excites me about it?
- Am I getting the sensation of excitement and panic, confused?
- How can I ground myself in this moment?
- How does it feel to know that I can step back at any time?
It's okay to pause and ask questions. It's even better to be incredibly kind to yourself while doing it. My instinct used to be to panic and then berate myself for it. But at the end of the day when we feel confronted and subsequently panic or get angry, it's just our body trying to give us a helping hand. It's trying to let us know we have strong feelings about this. And that's okay. So give yourself space to feel all the feelings before you throw the idea or goal or plan away. And when you're ready, take a few grounding breaths and ask yourself questions. Allow yourself the opportunity to get to the root of what's coming up and move forward from there.
This has been so helpful for me in understanding when something isn't actually right for me and when to let go, and then recognizing when there is something I really do want, but I'm scared.
Many worthwhile experiences in our lives are confronting and as much as I'd like to never feel afraid or stressed, I do find it all the sweeter when I manage to come through it and go for the thing I truly want anyway.
As you move through this week, be extra kind to yourself and remember to treat yourself and your body with love, respect and kindness.
Much love,
Helen xo